Substance Abuse Recovery Thread

[Thumpalumpacus]

I made it to 22 days sober and relapsed. Part of it was my husband. He has a temper and he was in a bad mood all day Thanksgiving and the next day. Yelling at me for cooking the turkey too early, yelling at the kids and their cousin for basically just being kids. Getting angry at me for having to watch the kids while I went to an AA meeting. 

Another reason is isolation. I feel like there was this point when I was a kid that I couldn't take the bullying and rejection any more and I just shut down. And now I find it hard to connect with people. 

I was feeling pretty discouraged, like the effort I made didn't matter, and I just didn't want to keep feeling what I was feeling, so I bought a bottle of vodka. I woke up at 3 am sick as hell with no memory of half the previous day and pictures on my phone that my husband took of me lying on the floor passed out in a puddle of vomit. I went to a meeting that day and picked up a white chip.

Now I'm on day 3 sober. Hoping I make it to 30 days this time.

Lapses happen. I doubt there's many alcoholics who haven't had one. Early recovery is a very emotional time anyway -- at least it was (and sometimes still is, even after almost a year) for me. I was prone to anxiety attacks and wild emotional swings, because I wasn't used to feeling these feelings -- I was accustomed to anaesthetizing them. It sounds to me like you were doing a little bit of that.

Be aware as well that holidays, with the stress of family and events, are pretty well-known triggers.

You're doing the right thing, Gem. Get back on the horse and ride some more, and don't beat yourself up for slipping up ... instead, take heart in the fact that you put three weeks sober together, and know that you can beat that.

Much love, hon.