Don't beat yourself up, Gemini. Relapses are the norm. Recovery is a process, and you do yourself no favors in the long run by adopting an all-or-nothing attitude toward your recovery and then beating up on yourself when a bad day comes. You slipped. That's not failure or defeat. It's just another day. Hang in there!
For my part, today is day 32 clean. It occurred to me the other night that my 50th birthday will also be my 60th day of sobriety, assuming no relapse in the meantime. I don't fear that I will relapse before then -- or any time soon. I'm feeling steadier and stronger by the day. My nightly group meetings at Townsend, where I'm enrolled in the intensive outpatient program, have been invaluable these past weeks. It's so refreshing to be able to just get it out in a supportive setting with people who've been-there-done-that and only want to see you succeed. I'm not the most touchy-feely person around and hadn't expected to enjoy group as much as I do. But this has been a positive experience so far, and I'm feeling good these days. I'm looking forward to resuming some old interests that fell by the wayside during my period of heaviest use. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life.
I really need to start checking out some local NA meetings, though. I'll be transitioning out of the outpatient program in three weeks and entering the 'continuing care' part of Townsend's services, and I'll need some kind of support network outside that place. The problem I have right now is that I already work crazy hours, and being in this program is like having a part-time job in addition to my actual job. On those days and evenings when going to an outside meeting is possible . . . well, I'd rather just stay home and chill out. But yeah, I need to get on it pretty soon.
For my part, today is day 32 clean. It occurred to me the other night that my 50th birthday will also be my 60th day of sobriety, assuming no relapse in the meantime. I don't fear that I will relapse before then -- or any time soon. I'm feeling steadier and stronger by the day. My nightly group meetings at Townsend, where I'm enrolled in the intensive outpatient program, have been invaluable these past weeks. It's so refreshing to be able to just get it out in a supportive setting with people who've been-there-done-that and only want to see you succeed. I'm not the most touchy-feely person around and hadn't expected to enjoy group as much as I do. But this has been a positive experience so far, and I'm feeling good these days. I'm looking forward to resuming some old interests that fell by the wayside during my period of heaviest use. I'm looking forward to reclaiming my life.
I really need to start checking out some local NA meetings, though. I'll be transitioning out of the outpatient program in three weeks and entering the 'continuing care' part of Townsend's services, and I'll need some kind of support network outside that place. The problem I have right now is that I already work crazy hours, and being in this program is like having a part-time job in addition to my actual job. On those days and evenings when going to an outside meeting is possible . . . well, I'd rather just stay home and chill out. But yeah, I need to get on it pretty soon.
