RE: Substance Abuse Recovery Thread
December 16, 2016 at 2:18 pm
(This post was last modified: December 16, 2016 at 2:22 pm by Crossless2.0.)
So get this: last night my wife, who has continued using throughout my recovery, attended 'family night' at my group meeting -- a once-a-week thing they do in which loved ones can come and learn about the nature of addiction and dealing with addicts in their lives. The plan was to go out on a date night for a good dinner after the meeting. Foolishly, I had hoped that the gathering might have sparked something in her to also seek help.
So there we sat, listening to the speaker. I noticed her looking at a picture she had posted of us on her Facebook page. A minute later she's typing something on her phone. I thought nothing of it at the time, assuming she was adding something to her page. As we drove away from the meeting, she mentioned how the topic itself was triggering her to want to call the crack dealer. I said, "Don't do it. Not tonight. We are going to have a nice evening out. You don't need this."
"Well, I already texted him, and he's going to be by our place in a half-hour so let's skip dinner. I need to get home."
I fucking flipped. It's one thing to continue using during my recovery. It's been going on throughout the process and, while it grates that she is so careless about how it may affect me, it only causes disgust on my part -- not a desire to use. I've been a rock so far. But I am fucking pissed that she would do that in the middle of my meeting! The disrespect it showed me, to say nothing of the disrespect I think it showed the other addicts (many of whom have it much harder than me due to opioid use), and the disrespect she showed to the facility is incredible. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me that I'm the only one who knows. How dare she do that in that place!
I know, I know . . . I didn't have to go home. I didn't have to let it happen. But I'm at a point where I'm content to give her enough rope with which to hang herself. I can't do the recovery for her; I can't even make that decision on her behalf. She has to get there herself. In the meantime, I have to keep my eyes on the prize, even if it means burning one more bridge in my life. I'm not going to let her drag me down and wallow in the shit with her any more.
Sorry, just venting.
So there we sat, listening to the speaker. I noticed her looking at a picture she had posted of us on her Facebook page. A minute later she's typing something on her phone. I thought nothing of it at the time, assuming she was adding something to her page. As we drove away from the meeting, she mentioned how the topic itself was triggering her to want to call the crack dealer. I said, "Don't do it. Not tonight. We are going to have a nice evening out. You don't need this."
"Well, I already texted him, and he's going to be by our place in a half-hour so let's skip dinner. I need to get home."
I fucking flipped. It's one thing to continue using during my recovery. It's been going on throughout the process and, while it grates that she is so careless about how it may affect me, it only causes disgust on my part -- not a desire to use. I've been a rock so far. But I am fucking pissed that she would do that in the middle of my meeting! The disrespect it showed me, to say nothing of the disrespect I think it showed the other addicts (many of whom have it much harder than me due to opioid use), and the disrespect she showed to the facility is incredible. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me that I'm the only one who knows. How dare she do that in that place!
I know, I know . . . I didn't have to go home. I didn't have to let it happen. But I'm at a point where I'm content to give her enough rope with which to hang herself. I can't do the recovery for her; I can't even make that decision on her behalf. She has to get there herself. In the meantime, I have to keep my eyes on the prize, even if it means burning one more bridge in my life. I'm not going to let her drag me down and wallow in the shit with her any more.
Sorry, just venting.
