Substance Abuse Recovery Thread

[Crossless2.0]

Although she has to be the one to make the decision to stop or at least not involve you, you have no duty/responsibility to enable her. Not to look the other way, not for love, not for money, not to fix, not to rescue, not "I'll wait until they figure it out".  

If the drug has a bigger hold on her than you (that lack of respect), what do you see your future with her as? I know some couples that make it work, but they are rare and not all that happy. They seem to become more of a relationship of convenience, each living mostly separate lives.  

Feel free to tell me to blow it out my ass. I know very little about your situation. Just one drunks take on your vent.

Yeah, I know I'm enabling her but I'm not really sure what else to do at this point. I worry that an ultimatum of any kind will just drive her away into . . . well, who knows?

The issues with her are legion. She pulls a train load of serious PTSD. She may very well have (warning: completely unqualified opinion coming) borderline personality disorder. She has a history of suicide attempts -- granted these were many years ago, before we met. She has a Xanax habit which only seems to fuel her crack use. I don't think her crack addiction can be uncoupled from her Xanax use, but she insists she can't get by without the Xanax. It's true that her anxiety is acute, and the Xanax is legitimately prescribed, but she never gets to the end of a prescription period with any left. Hell, she never has any left one to two weeks prior to her refills. Of course, Xanax withdrawal can be quite dangerous.

The only time during our marriage when she has been ok -- not just ok but mellow and joyful -- was during a period when she was out of Xanax, had no access to the usual dealer(s) but did have access to edibles. THC seems to work wonders for her. It's like being around a completely different person -- in fact, the person I thought I was marrying. If it were that simple, I'd have no problem with her going that route. I'm giving it all up, but pot was the least of my problems among those substances I abused, and I really don't have any objection to her using it, at least until such time as she is ready to get clean.

The fucking Xanax seems to be the key, but she'd need to detox off that shit and inpatient care isn't really an option so long as she insists she can't go without it.

She needs serious counseling but needs to get clean for that to make any real difference.

Eventually, I see marriage counseling in the picture, but there is no point in pursuing that until we've both racked up some serious clean time.