(January 9, 2017 at 9:15 pm)Kernel Sohcahtoa Wrote:whateverist Wrote:For the most part I'm not a big save-the-world guy. My motto is "if the world is ever going to be the kind of place in which a person can live a fulfilling life, let that begin with me." Maybe I'm a confucianist, you know, get your own house in order, then look to improve the neighborhood, the town, and so on.
Well said, Whateverist. IMO, you've nailed a key aspect of effective conflict resolution. Based on my experience (family, friends, co-workers, etc.), I have learned that if I try to fix others without first fixing myself, then I will be met with resistance and defensiveness, which often results in an unproductive retaliatory cycle. However, if I honestly look at how I might have contributed to the problem and own up to this contribution to myself and to others (IMO, this needs to be genuine and free of blame or judgement in both verbal and non-verbal delivery), then I have found that this increases the likelihood of me, and those I'm in conflict with, engaging in a productive dialog aimed at attacking the problem rather than each other. Hence, I would not consider myself a big save the world guy either: I just try to do my best to embody effective conflict resolution via my behavior and actions, which may possibly inspire others to look into the conflict resolution field, read some literature/watch videos, and promote effective conflict resolution in their own way.
This should serve you well in long term relationships too.
