When A Loved One Hass Alzheimer's

[Rhondazvous]

I went to the nursing home to celebrate my neighbor’s birthday the other day. When she lived across the street from me, she loved herself some Rhonda and would tell everybody that I was her daughter. But my visit with her the other day almost broke my heart.

I went with her cousin and we brought a cake and candles and her favorite candy snickers bars. We sang happy birthday and she blew out the candles and we all had some cake. But she kept forgetting that it was her birthday and wondering what all the balloons and stuff were for. Then she started arguing with the cousin, insisting that she had not had any cake. The cousin reminded her that she and Rhonda had brought it for her. Then she said “who is Rhonda?” For a moment I felt like what was the point. Why come if she can’t remember. A part of me was so miffed that I didn’t even want to hug her goodbye. But I realized that was just being mean. I knew it was the disease not her love for me making her forget. Even if she couldn’t remember, if that one little moment was all she had then I could make that one little moment a happy one.

Have any of you dealt with Alzheimer's? How did you feel trying to have a friendship with someone who no longer remembered you or kept asking the same questions no matter how many times you repeated the answer?

I sometimes think about how frustrating it must be for my friends talking to me when I can hardly hear them or smiling when I can't see their faces. But guilt doesn't help me cope, it just makes me feel like a should do something without giving me the strength to do it.