RE: Ok, so this happened...
June 20, 2017 at 5:51 am
(This post was last modified: June 20, 2017 at 5:54 am by bennyboy.)
The few times i encountered racism as a kid, it was always because some kid I got into a fight with was Indian or black or whatever. One time, I was fighting a black kid at tennis camp because he pushed his pudding cup into my face. Pretty soon, there was a ring of kids around us saying, "Fucking hit that nigger again!" and stuff like that. Then I end up being the bad guy, like I'm a racist attacker-- but it was really just a fight between kids over a pudding cup to the face.
This happened about 5 times in my life-- one kid tackled me playing soccer and I ended up fighting with him in grade 1. Kids started calling him "Packy." I didn't know what that meant, because while he was kind of a dick to me that day, I didn't really know that being brown was a thing with words to it-- but it sounded pretty serious, so I kept swinging.
Another time happened with a kid in the "special" class. He was about 7 feet tall in grade 6, and I was like maybe 4 1/2. He stole my friend's soccer ball, and was playing keep away. I went to get the ball, and he wouldn't give it back. After I started fighting with him, he tried very hard to walk away. My friends kept pushing me and calling him out. The sad thing is, I didn't really care about the ball, or the game, or have any problem with the kid. I ended up getting kneed to the head about 100 times (his friends were egging him on, too) and puking up a pack of peanut butter cookies after recess. But HIS mom called the next day saying he was crying all night and he cut himself. He fucking cut himself, because everyone hated him for being "special"-- which he knew was just another word for "fucking retard."
Now, I'm VERY glad I had these experiences. I really understand, and with deep shame, what mob mentality and prejudice have to do with each other, and it sickens me. In 100% of cases now, I'll be standing NEXT to a muslim, or a black guy, or a mentally unfit guy, or whatever. As an adult, I've put my safety on the line maybe half a dozen times, and I LOVE IT-- because redemption for childhood guilt validates me, and that's worth way more than bruises or even broken bones. I think for a lot of people, Guilt is God, and if so I think I'd be okay with being a martyr-- let me take harm for my own damned sins.
This happened about 5 times in my life-- one kid tackled me playing soccer and I ended up fighting with him in grade 1. Kids started calling him "Packy." I didn't know what that meant, because while he was kind of a dick to me that day, I didn't really know that being brown was a thing with words to it-- but it sounded pretty serious, so I kept swinging.
Another time happened with a kid in the "special" class. He was about 7 feet tall in grade 6, and I was like maybe 4 1/2. He stole my friend's soccer ball, and was playing keep away. I went to get the ball, and he wouldn't give it back. After I started fighting with him, he tried very hard to walk away. My friends kept pushing me and calling him out. The sad thing is, I didn't really care about the ball, or the game, or have any problem with the kid. I ended up getting kneed to the head about 100 times (his friends were egging him on, too) and puking up a pack of peanut butter cookies after recess. But HIS mom called the next day saying he was crying all night and he cut himself. He fucking cut himself, because everyone hated him for being "special"-- which he knew was just another word for "fucking retard."
Now, I'm VERY glad I had these experiences. I really understand, and with deep shame, what mob mentality and prejudice have to do with each other, and it sickens me. In 100% of cases now, I'll be standing NEXT to a muslim, or a black guy, or a mentally unfit guy, or whatever. As an adult, I've put my safety on the line maybe half a dozen times, and I LOVE IT-- because redemption for childhood guilt validates me, and that's worth way more than bruises or even broken bones. I think for a lot of people, Guilt is God, and if so I think I'd be okay with being a martyr-- let me take harm for my own damned sins.
