I was very socially confident as a kid, but in retrospect, I feel like nobody really liked me. They more hung out with me out of pity. I was a NASCAR addict who wanted to be an airline CEO and tow truck driver. I listened to smooth jazz/new age (Kenny G, Yanni, Dave Grusin-type music), which was popular with all my peers' parents. I was a big aviation buff, as well, but not the glamourous fighters that you saw in Top Gun. I liked airliners.
I just had no interest in pop culture, as my peers experienced it. I couldn't even name the #1 hit songs of my tween and teenhood.
I think my first move, to Florida, kind of started to change things for me, good and bad. On the first day, the neighborhood kids introduced themselves. Four girls from 10-14 who would always be in their swimsuits and always hang out together, so they all seemed the same age. I was 15. I was very interested. But I'd always do awkward things like space out when they had convos I couldn't relate to (school friends, music, sports). Plus, I would never reciprocate. I was just too terrified to. I'd wait for them to come over.
Eventually that all fizzled, but they all did come over to say goodbye when I moved away to Arizona. In Arizona, I finished high school. The lunch crowd I was with was anchored by two very pretty girls, and whoever joined us that day. I got more into pop music, albeit kind of oddly. This was 1993 and I liked They Might Be Giants, Boston, and Steppenwolf. And still some smooth jazz. Still kind of a weird young man, but at least trying, and kind of making some headway.
Chose a college in Vermont that was very small and isolated. In retrospect, it was a bad place to be (though I loved Vermont). I became very isolated and really irritated by everybody. I always had my BFF, whoever that was at the time, but it was like I didn't have a want for anybody else. Didn't want the distraction. Poor BFF's.
Went to a university with an NCAA D-1 sports program for a several semesters, but struggled with studying and balancing my time. No BFFs, but many friendly acquaintances. I don't like going to people's houses. I "socialize" by going to sports events or district council meetings. Which means I listen and watch more than talk.
Nowadays, I think that is still my status quo.
I'm rambling and am not sure what my point is. I definitely have some level of social anxiety, but I rarely get close enough to a person to test it.
I just had no interest in pop culture, as my peers experienced it. I couldn't even name the #1 hit songs of my tween and teenhood.
I think my first move, to Florida, kind of started to change things for me, good and bad. On the first day, the neighborhood kids introduced themselves. Four girls from 10-14 who would always be in their swimsuits and always hang out together, so they all seemed the same age. I was 15. I was very interested. But I'd always do awkward things like space out when they had convos I couldn't relate to (school friends, music, sports). Plus, I would never reciprocate. I was just too terrified to. I'd wait for them to come over.
Eventually that all fizzled, but they all did come over to say goodbye when I moved away to Arizona. In Arizona, I finished high school. The lunch crowd I was with was anchored by two very pretty girls, and whoever joined us that day. I got more into pop music, albeit kind of oddly. This was 1993 and I liked They Might Be Giants, Boston, and Steppenwolf. And still some smooth jazz. Still kind of a weird young man, but at least trying, and kind of making some headway.
Chose a college in Vermont that was very small and isolated. In retrospect, it was a bad place to be (though I loved Vermont). I became very isolated and really irritated by everybody. I always had my BFF, whoever that was at the time, but it was like I didn't have a want for anybody else. Didn't want the distraction. Poor BFF's.
Went to a university with an NCAA D-1 sports program for a several semesters, but struggled with studying and balancing my time. No BFFs, but many friendly acquaintances. I don't like going to people's houses. I "socialize" by going to sports events or district council meetings. Which means I listen and watch more than talk.
Nowadays, I think that is still my status quo.
I'm rambling and am not sure what my point is. I definitely have some level of social anxiety, but I rarely get close enough to a person to test it.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
