Hannah I understand what you are trying to say, I've recently made that statement about myself on this forum. However I am in a dispute with certain members of my church on this subject and I am taking the side of dying for Christ and they are not, yet I know they are true christians, they would die for their faith but believe they have the right to defend themselves if necessary and I do not. So you see it is a matter of believing what Christ taught and how much one thinks of there life. This is a subject of debate among christians (do you have the right to defend yourself when threatened as a christian). As I see it there is no precedent in the NT for defending yourself against an attack for being a christian. There are a few examples of flight.
I must disagree with you when you said that you would have died at the height of your christian belief, your statement was that no true christian would ever deny their faith in the face of death, yet you denied your faith for far less than your physical life and now you have given up the one eternal thing you have that is your soul. Do not get me wrong I'm not saying that at one time you were not a christian, though I have my doubts, a christian can give up their salvation, this is your right under the freewill God has given man.
I must disagree with you when you said that you would have died at the height of your christian belief, your statement was that no true christian would ever deny their faith in the face of death, yet you denied your faith for far less than your physical life and now you have given up the one eternal thing you have that is your soul. Do not get me wrong I'm not saying that at one time you were not a christian, though I have my doubts, a christian can give up their salvation, this is your right under the freewill God has given man.
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.