Hello everyone!
This is my first time on this forum and I don't know what to expect, but hopefully, I will enjoy my time and you enjoy having me here.
I'm a young man, undergraduate student, grew up in a religious society and semi-religious family (Not Christian), and have gone through a long process of doubting the faith I was raised in, and at some point, I've became an atheist. Later, however, precisely 4 years ago, I've become a Christian. it has shaped my life since then, and met nice people and made friendships because of it, I found refuge in time of need, and as someone who struggles with depression, it helped me a great deal to pray, meditate, and know that things happen for a reason.
Last Easter my faith has come under scrutiny (it did before that but isn’t worth calling it scrutiny). then things calmed down and I thought it was just a phase and was over. However, it showed up again about a month and a half ago and this time is even much stronger. It is not limited to questions of, why, how, where...etc. but also involves emotions and personal experience that made my faith seem pointless and in a way, I've come to see it as a burden, especially considering my sexual orientation and marriage which no matter how many times I've tried to reconcile the both, it just always ends up a mess. Nevertheless, my faith have brought a lot of good to my life, and losing it (I still hope it is just a phase though) have brought with it two different feelings, one of sadness, emptiness, guilt, and in my situation, made my depression worse, also questions about, will I now start mocking religion? will I become an atheist that thinks religious people are fools (not all atheists think that I'm sure), but also brought feelings of liberation, excitement, curiosity, and motivation, and for someone who is gay, it made me feel much better to not worry about reconciling my religion or the attitudes of some religious folks with my marriage and homosexuality. The problem is, I've gone through some the latter when I became an atheist years ago, but this time, the first category of feelings is much stronger because my Christian faith affected my life in ways that Islam didn't, so leaving it is very difficult. Sometimes while I'm at work or campus, I feel the urge to cry, and sometimes I feel very sad that I wonder if it is God's voice that is telling me what I'm doing is wrong and should come back. I don't want to take too much of your time already but I believe you know what I'm going through and therefore, I'm asking you, what would you advice me to do? How should I deal with the negative feelings? What do you think I should and should not do?
Peace 😊
This is my first time on this forum and I don't know what to expect, but hopefully, I will enjoy my time and you enjoy having me here.
I'm a young man, undergraduate student, grew up in a religious society and semi-religious family (Not Christian), and have gone through a long process of doubting the faith I was raised in, and at some point, I've became an atheist. Later, however, precisely 4 years ago, I've become a Christian. it has shaped my life since then, and met nice people and made friendships because of it, I found refuge in time of need, and as someone who struggles with depression, it helped me a great deal to pray, meditate, and know that things happen for a reason.
Last Easter my faith has come under scrutiny (it did before that but isn’t worth calling it scrutiny). then things calmed down and I thought it was just a phase and was over. However, it showed up again about a month and a half ago and this time is even much stronger. It is not limited to questions of, why, how, where...etc. but also involves emotions and personal experience that made my faith seem pointless and in a way, I've come to see it as a burden, especially considering my sexual orientation and marriage which no matter how many times I've tried to reconcile the both, it just always ends up a mess. Nevertheless, my faith have brought a lot of good to my life, and losing it (I still hope it is just a phase though) have brought with it two different feelings, one of sadness, emptiness, guilt, and in my situation, made my depression worse, also questions about, will I now start mocking religion? will I become an atheist that thinks religious people are fools (not all atheists think that I'm sure), but also brought feelings of liberation, excitement, curiosity, and motivation, and for someone who is gay, it made me feel much better to not worry about reconciling my religion or the attitudes of some religious folks with my marriage and homosexuality. The problem is, I've gone through some the latter when I became an atheist years ago, but this time, the first category of feelings is much stronger because my Christian faith affected my life in ways that Islam didn't, so leaving it is very difficult. Sometimes while I'm at work or campus, I feel the urge to cry, and sometimes I feel very sad that I wonder if it is God's voice that is telling me what I'm doing is wrong and should come back. I don't want to take too much of your time already but I believe you know what I'm going through and therefore, I'm asking you, what would you advice me to do? How should I deal with the negative feelings? What do you think I should and should not do?
Peace 😊
