(October 6, 2017 at 12:13 pm)RayOfLight Wrote: Hello everyone!
This is my first time on this forum and I don't know what to expect, but hopefully, I will enjoy my time and you enjoy having me here.
I'm a young man, undergraduate student, grew up in a religious society and semi-religious family (Not Christian), and have gone through a long process of doubting the faith I was raised in, and at some point, I've became an atheist. Later, however, precisely 4 years ago, I've become a Christian. it has shaped my life since then, and met nice people and made friendships because of it, I found refuge in time of need, and as someone who struggles with depression, it helped me a great deal to pray, meditate, and know that things happen for a reason.
Last Easter my faith has come under scrutiny (it did before that but isn’t worth calling it scrutiny). then things calmed down and I thought it was just a phase and was over. However, it showed up again about a month and a half ago and this time is even much stronger. It is not limited to questions of, why, how, where...etc. but also involves emotions and personal experience that made my faith seem pointless and in a way, I've come to see it as a burden, especially considering my sexual orientation and marriage which no matter how many times I've tried to reconcile the both, it just always ends up a mess. Nevertheless, my faith have brought a lot of good to my life, and losing it (I still hope it is just a phase though) have brought with it two different feelings, one of sadness, emptiness, guilt, and in my situation, made my depression worse, also questions about, will I now start mocking religion? will I become an atheist that thinks religious people are fools (not all atheists think that I'm sure), but also brought feelings of liberation, excitement, curiosity, and motivation, and for someone who is gay, it made me feel much better to not worry about reconciling my religion or the attitudes of some religious folks with my marriage and homosexuality. The problem is, I've gone through some the latter when I became an atheist years ago, but this time, the first category of feelings is much stronger because my Christian faith affected my life in ways that Islam didn't, so leaving it is very difficult. Sometimes while I'm at work or campus, I feel the urge to cry, and sometimes I feel very sad that I wonder if it is God's voice that is telling me what I'm doing is wrong and should come back. I don't want to take too much of your time already but I believe you know what I'm going through and therefore, I'm asking you, what would you advice me to do? How should I deal with the negative feelings? What do you think I should and should not do?
Peace 😊
Many of us here used to hold a religion and god belief. But time and questioning for us made that fantasy slowly become a untenable position to hold.
If you can rightfully reject claims of Vishnu, and Allah, and Yahweh and Apollo and Poseidon then you should be willing to aim that same scrutiny at your own beliefs. Unfortunately most humans simply adapt the religions of their parents long before they can develop critical thinking skills.
Now, having said that, we cannot live your life for you, we cannot tell you which relationships to stay in or leave. I would say however, if you are living a lie about your own sexuality to keep up an image you've been conditioned to live in silence and that is not fair to you.
Skepticism is not a negative thing. Skepticism is why women can now vote and blacks are no longer slaves. What is negative is using religion to justify telling others that it is your job to coddle their insecurities. One can be for human rights and equal rights without using religion to be a selfish bigot.
But ultimately the biggest reasons I reject ALL religions is because I know and accept the age of our universe. Just our species alone was around long before any written religion. Our planet is 4 billion years old. Our species is only about 200,000 years old. Our universe is 13.8 billion years old with an estimated 2 TRILLION galaxies in it. No, I do not think all this was put here just for me.
But the good thing is, knowing that the ride ends does not mean you have to be depressed about that. You go to a movie knowing it ends, but you still go. You go to a music concert knowing it plays a last song, but you still go. You go to a sporting event knowing that one team will win one will lose, and that ends. You get a pet dog or cat, they live for a while, they die, you mourn them, but you get another pet.
You don't need an old book of mythology to explain why good or bad happen, and you especially don't need others using their religion to tell you you are broken when you are not.
I still have ups and downs in my life but no matter the up or down, I don't chalk good or bad to super heros or super villains.
I hope this helps. Always feel free to talk to us here, even if you cant do that in your personal life in home right how.
