RE: Hello, and what should I do?
October 7, 2017 at 11:03 pm
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2017 at 11:04 pm by RayOfLight.)
I would like to thank those who responded and gave me their opinion and advice. It is helpful to know that there are people here who understand what I'm going through 
I just need to clarify a few things:
I do suffer from depression, I did good for a long time but every once in a while I go through period when it seem my depression is taking hold of me, and this time I don't know if it the result of my struggle with my faith or the other way around, or not related at all. But I know that the doubts I have are real, the questions in my mind are real and valid and can not be blamed on depression.
The other point I would like to clarify is that I'm not married to a person from the opposite sex, I'm a gay man and married to another man, which makes my situation even more complicated. Even though all Christians I know are aware of my marriage and even though some of them believe that homosexual acts are "sinful", we continue to respect each other and even built very close friendships with some of them. But at the end, when it comes to clergy (Roman Catholic) the subject is sensitive and I wonder about what would happen if the current priest at my parish leaves. Will the next one be less open-minded? Will he prevent me from taking communion? And other concerns. Also the internal struggle include questions such as, am I fooling myself? How can I believe in a God that clearly misunderstood the concept of sexual orienation, and treated it in a very careless way in what is supposed to be his word? Am I a hypocrite? If religion was powerful, and the Roman Catholic Church had the power it enjoyed in the past, where would my partner and I be today? Am I missing something? And other conflicting thoughts that make it difficult to reconcile my Christianity with my sexual orientation.
Generally, I'm doing better today and I keep reminding myself that clearly I'm not the first nor the last person tk go through this, and therefore, should not go back to the faith just because I happen to feel sad about leaving it, and rather let the emotions run their course and then go from there. I will be more active here, and I will ask questions, and I will get to know more of you, because I believe interacting with you will clear some misconceptions I built in my head about atheists and agnostics the last four years, which in return will help me a good deal. And one last thing, even though I live in a Western country (won't mention the name now) I come from the Middle East and therefore, I know what some religions can do when they're in position of power in society, and of course, I know what that means to LGBTQ people. And also explains why my English may not be perfect. 😛
I just need to clarify a few things:I do suffer from depression, I did good for a long time but every once in a while I go through period when it seem my depression is taking hold of me, and this time I don't know if it the result of my struggle with my faith or the other way around, or not related at all. But I know that the doubts I have are real, the questions in my mind are real and valid and can not be blamed on depression.
The other point I would like to clarify is that I'm not married to a person from the opposite sex, I'm a gay man and married to another man, which makes my situation even more complicated. Even though all Christians I know are aware of my marriage and even though some of them believe that homosexual acts are "sinful", we continue to respect each other and even built very close friendships with some of them. But at the end, when it comes to clergy (Roman Catholic) the subject is sensitive and I wonder about what would happen if the current priest at my parish leaves. Will the next one be less open-minded? Will he prevent me from taking communion? And other concerns. Also the internal struggle include questions such as, am I fooling myself? How can I believe in a God that clearly misunderstood the concept of sexual orienation, and treated it in a very careless way in what is supposed to be his word? Am I a hypocrite? If religion was powerful, and the Roman Catholic Church had the power it enjoyed in the past, where would my partner and I be today? Am I missing something? And other conflicting thoughts that make it difficult to reconcile my Christianity with my sexual orientation.
Generally, I'm doing better today and I keep reminding myself that clearly I'm not the first nor the last person tk go through this, and therefore, should not go back to the faith just because I happen to feel sad about leaving it, and rather let the emotions run their course and then go from there. I will be more active here, and I will ask questions, and I will get to know more of you, because I believe interacting with you will clear some misconceptions I built in my head about atheists and agnostics the last four years, which in return will help me a good deal. And one last thing, even though I live in a Western country (won't mention the name now) I come from the Middle East and therefore, I know what some religions can do when they're in position of power in society, and of course, I know what that means to LGBTQ people. And also explains why my English may not be perfect. 😛
