I had to ponder suicide in regards to clients and friends during my hospice training.
I decided early on I'd freely discuss the subject with anyone who wanted to talk about it. I'd be neutral and try to just listen. I did anticipate hearing of techniques that might be ineffective or inappropriate and I deemed I'd advise if something sounded like it was not going to have the desired result.
I also decided that while I wouldn't actively 'help', if someone wanted me there at the time to hold a hand or notify the appropriate parties upon completion, I would comply.
As for characterizing as 'cowardice' or 'courage', I would not dare the effrontery. I have no idea, and do not care. HIV/AIDS was a fucking nightmare 1980s to mid 1990s and I anticipated a wide range of responses. I'm not going to 'judge', I think everyone's specific 'truth' about this would be highly individualized and personal. Exceeds my pay grade as a volunteer to form an opinion.
Brian didn't. Seemed entirely appropriate for him to not have done so.
Ken did. Yeah, it was a jolt when I found out, but he did it right after his first (grueling) hospital stay and had no stomach for any more of it. Seems appropriate to me.
E did.
R didn't.
A didn't.
Neither G did.
C did.
A managed to die of cancer (non-HIV related) before his HIV got him. He wasn't going to FUBAR what he viewed as his good luck in contracting cancer by suiciding over being HIV+
Never decided if R committed suicide or not. He put serious constraints on what HIV treatments he'd accept and which ones he would not. Didn't work, he died. But he was in control right up to the end.
Before 12 Steppers I was FIRMLY convinced suicide was a good choice for me if I was + and developed symptoms. After I started 12 Steppers decided if I was HIV+ I would probably stick it out quite a ways if not all the way. But then tested - so didn't ever find out what I would have 'really' done.
As for methods, C shot himself, E used CO, I think Ken OD'd on pills. C seemed to me to be a pretty gentle sort of person, I may not have been surprised he killed himself, but I was surprised he used a gun. Guns in my tribe are a VERY rare thing indeed. I can't think of too many friends of mine with firearms (read that as none or one). I had a couple hunting rifles removed from the house several years ago. There is an antique (and disassembled) pistol in the house. No ammo, BTW. One of my grandfathers carried it when he worked for the railroad. This was in the 1930s and he had concerns about encountering a train robber and he wanted to make an account of himself if the need arose. I wound up with it from my interest in trains.
Not sure how I'd view an HIV related suicide these days. It would probably depend on who, and maybe whether or not they'd been positive for a very long time and having worsening problems. But I really don't know. I'd like to think it would be profoundly unlikely to happen at this point . . .
I decided early on I'd freely discuss the subject with anyone who wanted to talk about it. I'd be neutral and try to just listen. I did anticipate hearing of techniques that might be ineffective or inappropriate and I deemed I'd advise if something sounded like it was not going to have the desired result.
I also decided that while I wouldn't actively 'help', if someone wanted me there at the time to hold a hand or notify the appropriate parties upon completion, I would comply.
As for characterizing as 'cowardice' or 'courage', I would not dare the effrontery. I have no idea, and do not care. HIV/AIDS was a fucking nightmare 1980s to mid 1990s and I anticipated a wide range of responses. I'm not going to 'judge', I think everyone's specific 'truth' about this would be highly individualized and personal. Exceeds my pay grade as a volunteer to form an opinion.
Brian didn't. Seemed entirely appropriate for him to not have done so.
Ken did. Yeah, it was a jolt when I found out, but he did it right after his first (grueling) hospital stay and had no stomach for any more of it. Seems appropriate to me.
E did.
R didn't.
A didn't.
Neither G did.
C did.
A managed to die of cancer (non-HIV related) before his HIV got him. He wasn't going to FUBAR what he viewed as his good luck in contracting cancer by suiciding over being HIV+
Never decided if R committed suicide or not. He put serious constraints on what HIV treatments he'd accept and which ones he would not. Didn't work, he died. But he was in control right up to the end.
Before 12 Steppers I was FIRMLY convinced suicide was a good choice for me if I was + and developed symptoms. After I started 12 Steppers decided if I was HIV+ I would probably stick it out quite a ways if not all the way. But then tested - so didn't ever find out what I would have 'really' done.
As for methods, C shot himself, E used CO, I think Ken OD'd on pills. C seemed to me to be a pretty gentle sort of person, I may not have been surprised he killed himself, but I was surprised he used a gun. Guns in my tribe are a VERY rare thing indeed. I can't think of too many friends of mine with firearms (read that as none or one). I had a couple hunting rifles removed from the house several years ago. There is an antique (and disassembled) pistol in the house. No ammo, BTW. One of my grandfathers carried it when he worked for the railroad. This was in the 1930s and he had concerns about encountering a train robber and he wanted to make an account of himself if the need arose. I wound up with it from my interest in trains.
Not sure how I'd view an HIV related suicide these days. It would probably depend on who, and maybe whether or not they'd been positive for a very long time and having worsening problems. But I really don't know. I'd like to think it would be profoundly unlikely to happen at this point . . .
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
