As others have said, it isn't a matter of courage or cowardice.
The last time I think I was depressed I was constantly thinking "Okay, this is the state of my life, which I hate. These are the things I must do change that. I'm not capable of doing these things, I'd rather not be around for things to stay the same, whether I try or don't try." But I never got to the point where I was ready to kill myself or even hurt myself.
I thought about things like how painful the methods available would be, or my likelihood of failing and then going through life with another disability. Not to mention failing would also result in my being hospitalized again, and I can't stand being hospitalized, at least in a behavioral ward. Or that if I succeeded what would happen with my family and there are people in my family who honestly maybe wouldn't be able to cope. Maybe if there had been some supernatural being that would erase all the memories of everyone who cared about me and kill me painlessly.... that might've been a tempting offer.
What it would have taken for me to try to do it would be much more severe depression or substance abuse to forget about the consequences , not courage or cowardice.
The last time I think I was depressed I was constantly thinking "Okay, this is the state of my life, which I hate. These are the things I must do change that. I'm not capable of doing these things, I'd rather not be around for things to stay the same, whether I try or don't try." But I never got to the point where I was ready to kill myself or even hurt myself.
I thought about things like how painful the methods available would be, or my likelihood of failing and then going through life with another disability. Not to mention failing would also result in my being hospitalized again, and I can't stand being hospitalized, at least in a behavioral ward. Or that if I succeeded what would happen with my family and there are people in my family who honestly maybe wouldn't be able to cope. Maybe if there had been some supernatural being that would erase all the memories of everyone who cared about me and kill me painlessly.... that might've been a tempting offer.
What it would have taken for me to try to do it would be much more severe depression or substance abuse to forget about the consequences , not courage or cowardice.
