Porn, porn and more porn!

[henryp]

Again, im not talking about passing thoughts that are involuntary. I'm talking about actively visualizing a fantasy of having sex with someone who isn't your spouse.

I don't see this is being a difficult thing to abstain from doing, but I guess that's just because I have a completely different view of sex. I have no desire to do it with someone I don't care about, so there's no urge for me personally to fantasize about it. To me, sex is very much tied into love. I cant seperate the two even if I tried.

Honestly the thought of my husband fantasizing a 3some is probably even worse, even if I was involved. It just doesnt seem at all appropriate.

So the thing with fantasy, and why I brought up the 'lesbian loophole', is that fantasy doesn't necessarily involve having sex with someone who isn't your spouse.  I wasn't talking about imagining a 3some.  I was talking about him just imagining you with another woman.  Maybe just kissing.  Stuff like that can be enough.  Even less than that can be enough to find the book they're looking for in the self-help section.  Anything that is a turn-on can be used.  What if rather than lesbianism, it's you and Megan Fox playing beach volleyball for example?  Does he even like Megan Fox, or is that just a you thing?  

I'm not sure this is about your view of sex, as much as maybe it's about men vs. women.  I went to a catholic college with plenty of decent guys who I would be shocked to find any ever cheated on their wives, and I don't think any of them were 'fantasy' free.  Even the guy who became a priest liked to watch Baywatch. It's just hardwired in there.  

Just the bigger point though, is that for men, I'm not sure masturbating/fantasizing is exactly what you think it is or how the church characterizes it.  It seems like it'd be a shame for, what I think is a misunderstanding, to be something that could potentially cause you a lot of pain.