1. Shower or bath? Showers only. Baths are just a method of stewing in your own filth.
2. How often do you perform these ablutions? Errr damn day.
3. Do you own a rubber duck? I do not.
4. If you bathe as opposed to shower, do you add anything to the water (bath salts, etc)? N muthafuckin A
5. Do you like company in a shower/bath situation? I don't mind some company in the shower. Shower sex is overrated, though. Water sucks as a lubricant.
6. Do you shave in or out of the tub (for those that shave)? I do all of my manscaping in the shower. Creamo Sandalwood Shave Cream is the SHIT.
7. In which order do you wash yourself? Top to bottom. Underarms first to get the best soap to deodorant ratio.
8. Do you shower/bathe at night or in the morning? At night. If you sleep in your bed with all the grime of the day every night, you are a garbage person.
9. If you could pick a celebrity to scrub you down, who would it be? It used to be Zooey. Zooey has been replaced by Jessica Williams.
10. Have you ever, while getting out of the tub, lost your footing and grabbed at the shower curtain to steady yourself, which resulted in the shower curtain tearing loose from the rings at the perfect angle to cover your face and while you were trying to get clear you stepped off the bath mat onto the tile floor causing your feet to go out from under you whereupon you fell and hit your head on the edge of the sink, opening up your scalp not badly enough to require stitches but needing a good 20 minutes of pressure to stop the bleeding while your beloved wife tries and fails not to laugh at you? I got too much swag for something like this to happen to me.
2. How often do you perform these ablutions? Errr damn day.
3. Do you own a rubber duck? I do not.
4. If you bathe as opposed to shower, do you add anything to the water (bath salts, etc)? N muthafuckin A
5. Do you like company in a shower/bath situation? I don't mind some company in the shower. Shower sex is overrated, though. Water sucks as a lubricant.
6. Do you shave in or out of the tub (for those that shave)? I do all of my manscaping in the shower. Creamo Sandalwood Shave Cream is the SHIT.
7. In which order do you wash yourself? Top to bottom. Underarms first to get the best soap to deodorant ratio.
8. Do you shower/bathe at night or in the morning? At night. If you sleep in your bed with all the grime of the day every night, you are a garbage person.
9. If you could pick a celebrity to scrub you down, who would it be? It used to be Zooey. Zooey has been replaced by Jessica Williams.
10. Have you ever, while getting out of the tub, lost your footing and grabbed at the shower curtain to steady yourself, which resulted in the shower curtain tearing loose from the rings at the perfect angle to cover your face and while you were trying to get clear you stepped off the bath mat onto the tile floor causing your feet to go out from under you whereupon you fell and hit your head on the edge of the sink, opening up your scalp not badly enough to require stitches but needing a good 20 minutes of pressure to stop the bleeding while your beloved wife tries and fails not to laugh at you? I got too much swag for something like this to happen to me.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
