Crowd sourcing solutions to package thievery

[Fireball]

Best story (probably apocryphal) along those lines is from a guy I knew who was in the Air Force. They had an Executive Officer (XO, next down from Commanding Officer) who was a complete martinet. Barracks inspections were a nightmare, with the guy acting like a complete dick. The enlisted guys cleaned a toilet to within an inch of its life, and one of the guys squeezed a strip of creamy peanut butter into it. So, here's this floater...and the XO demands to know "Is that what I think it is?", in the toilet. One of the guys reaches in, takes it out, eats it, and says, "Yes sir, it is!" Dude turns green and walks out. I do know a guy who served in the English army who dropped a piece of candy in the gutter (loot bag from my niece's birthday party) and ate it anyway. At the time, my brother and his family lived in a pretty bad neighborhood, where a lot of needles were found around the apartment complex. That guy was pretty much a dumb shit. Note that I'm not picking on the army here, because I served in the Navy and saw similar stupid shit. How stupid was he? He hated Mexicans, so he moved to get a job in New Mexico.