Well I'll offer an opinion and critique, but I agree with Brian, that it's completely a subjective thing and should be taken with a grain of salt.
Most of the military poems that I've enjoyed had that cadence and rhythmic rhyme scheme to make me feel like I was back in boot camp.
The alliteration and inter verse rhyming are nice in the beginning, but seems like you should build to that and see if you can add more of them. I like alliterations and fun rhyme schemes.
"the struggle for a horse has only just begun" stands out to me as being out of place. Perhaps a syllable count per line would help it feel more fluid, because to me it seems a little all over the place rhythmically speaking.
I generally like it. I'm not a fan of long ballads and the size and imagery are nice. I'd just work on the rhythm and pace feeling more militaristic.
<end my 2 cents>
Most of the military poems that I've enjoyed had that cadence and rhythmic rhyme scheme to make me feel like I was back in boot camp.
The alliteration and inter verse rhyming are nice in the beginning, but seems like you should build to that and see if you can add more of them. I like alliterations and fun rhyme schemes.
"the struggle for a horse has only just begun" stands out to me as being out of place. Perhaps a syllable count per line would help it feel more fluid, because to me it seems a little all over the place rhythmically speaking.
I generally like it. I'm not a fan of long ballads and the size and imagery are nice. I'd just work on the rhythm and pace feeling more militaristic.
<end my 2 cents>
"There ought to be a term that would designate those who actually follow the teachings of Jesus, since the word 'Christian' has been largely divorced from those teachings, and so polluted by fundamentalists that it has come to connote their polar opposite: intolerance, vindictive hatred, and bigotry." -- Philip Stater, Huffington Post
always working on cleaning my windows- me regarding Johari
always working on cleaning my windows- me regarding Johari
