(February 6, 2019 at 5:45 pm)Der/die AtheistIn Wrote:(February 6, 2019 at 5:03 pm)Brian37 Wrote: It is natural to think, "Boy I would love to strangle that person." It is illegal to actually do it, and most decent humans to not act on their impulses.
It isn't that you have "ill" thoughts, but in that you are naturally reacting to how someone behaved to you. What really matters is how you respond to how others act to you. You cant control them, and you cant kill them legally, so the only thing you can do is make a decision as to what you are willing to tolerate or not tolerate.
While breaking the law does bring bad consequences, we shouldn't base our morality on punishments or rewards. I personally don't think that anyone deserves the death penalty or to be physically or mentally harmed. What I do think they deserve is being called out and live the consequences of their actions.
But we are not talking about legal courts here. I only brought that up as an example.
It is really not that hard.
If you think you can put up with someone, even though occasionally they irritate you, that is fine. Everyone here has family and friends and co workers whom occasionally piss them off, but they can still tolerate and love.
Where it is right to cut someone off is when they go beyond the normal relationships to the point they suck the emotional life out of you, are verbally and physically abusive to you.
Again, the ultimate control you have, is not over someone else, but yourself, so ultimately all you can do is request that someone not do something. If they continue then it is on you if you keep company or part company.
You can have a healthy relationship where disagreements happen, and even when you get mad at someone else. What is unhealthy is when you simply stay in a relationship that is one sided where you constantly bend, or put up with verbal or physical abuse.
Walking away can be very healthy too. Even in divorce, it is possible that the separating parties simply realize there are no bad guys, but it simply did not work out.
The best relationships are about COMMUNICATION, not blame, not name calling, but problem solving. But even with the best intent, sometimes things do not work out.
If whom you are dealing with, be it a family member, friend, love partner or co worker, is truly concerned about you, listening they will do and a compromise to any problem will be sought.
Abusive relationships, AND AGAIN, can be family, friend, co worker, is about one person simply trying to dominate you, without listening or caring about problem solving.
It is ok, to walk away. Ultimately your mental health matters the most.
