What is forgiveness and what is not?

[Brian37]

Forgiveness, as most people use it, doesn't absolve accountability, repentance or dismiss justice. From the OP it sounds like you stopped hating someone, which is good. It's good because change derived from bitterness instead of justice seldom is historically problematic in it's stability. I personally believe true forgiveness is a clean slate. That being said, as beings with a finite cause-effect timeline, it's practically impossible to not let that inform future behaviors. I suppose I'd say you've truly forgiven a person when: A. it doesn't bother you, what they did or you felt justice has been served and B. It doesn't affectively taint your bias in dealing with the other person in a meaningful way.

I would agree with Brian's point that it is highly subjective and personal. I would also agree with veoli's point that resolving the past gives a better present.

To Mr. Obvious, that's called lip service (more like dis-service) and usually does more harm in covering up problems then resolving them

Actually, I don't think I stopped feeling mad entirely, but I feel less mad and don't want to keep bitterness inside.

Well there is also a huge difference between "hate" and revenge(bitterness).

Hate can be a positive motivator. Just like if you hate your underwear riding up your ass, eventually you get to the point of adjusting it so it doesn't ride up your ass. That hate does not mean you go around giving other people wedgees.

For example. I hate old mythology. I don't hate the fact that it exists. I simply hate that people still cling to it. That "hate" isn't about human rights, but about caring enough about facts to call people out on bad logic. That "hate" does not mean that if a theist were t-boned in a traffic accident, that I would leave them bleeding in the street if they were in need of assistance.

I hated that my late mother was anal about where things went. She was a neat freak. When I was young we butted heads over that, but in her old age, I learned how to express our differences to the point where the compromise was there, and she learned that it was ok for me to be different.

You DON'T have to hate or be bitter to the point of acting out in destructive ways. But you do have the right to control yourself. 

Again, the bottom line is always to think of any relationship as, what you are willing to live with, and what is too much for you always keeping in mind that you can only control yourself. If you act to express yourself to explain a problem you have with another, that is fine. But once you do, and they respond positively or negatively, it is then only on you if you stay or go.