I strongly doubt that I love my dad

[Der/die AtheistIn]

Actually, Der/Die During every stage in life you do need role models and mentors. It is not ridiculous for an adult to search for a parent or parental figure. Having a mentor, guide, hero is all a social adaptation to give us a goal to strive toward. As long as you can remember that no one is perfect, you can find the good parts of all of the people in your life and use that as a guide/goal. People also sometimes use all the bad parts of all those same people to determine what they don't want to become. As long as you can remember that everyone has some value that'll work too. Why try to "be his kid" now? Don't. You are someone's kid, that's a genetic fact. That doesn't necessarily make them the hero parent of your story. You can't choose everything that happens to you in life or what makes you emotional. You can try and dismantle the negative emotional amplifiers in your apparent negative feedback loop. Choose who you want to be like and not be like, and make choices in your life that reflect that. </2 cents>

Well, even if I still need a mentor I seriously feel like I can never forgive my dad. I don't want to be mad, I can't help it. I seriously don't feel like he deserves another chance. I gave him multiple chances in the past. Sure, nobody is perfect, but I'm not satisfied about him.