Pastafarianism

[Nay_Sayer]

OK, I'll start.

Does Klingon philosophy contain any guides about sex? I'm asking rhetorically, of course.

“Don’t discuss the rubber chicken!”

It comes from the writings of the obscure Klingon philosopher Na’Pul the Mad.

The rubber chicken saga will take a good hour but I'll get on it

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I understand that there will be beer and pirate stuff going on in the afterlife according to your faith. I'm a bit of a beer snob. Will the beer be quaffable? And will there only be one type of beer?

And (as a personal afterlife fantasy thing) I'd like to spend some "quality time" with 72 non-virgins. (As in women who know what they're doing, and some of them might teach me a thing or two.) Does Pastafarianism allow for that sort of afterlife activity?

I know some religions say you get 72 virgins for blowing up a bus full of people with explosives. But I'm hoping His Noodliness might let me hang with 72 non-virgins because once I blew a bunch of bubbles at a hippie festival. I mean... there were bubbles everywhere, and people loved it. To me, that's way more worthwhile than a suicide bombing. 

And it's not like I expect these 72 non-virgins to be beholden to me or anything. I hope some will be easy sluts. But others might require wooing... and others will reject me outright. And I'm cool with that.

My main concern is the beer. Will it be good? Can I have limitless IPA in the afterlife?

All types of beer are available 24/7, perfectly chilled and with fun little umbrellas