I'd vote for a candidate whose platform is promising to throw me into an active volcano over the wannabe king orange turd blossom that stumbled his way into the office currently.
"For the only way to eternal glory is a life lived in service of our Lord, FSM; Verily it is FSM who is the perfect being the name higher than all names, king of all kings and will bestow upon us all, one day, The great reclaiming" -The Prophet Boiardi-
Conservative trigger warning.