RE: Rational reason for ending my life.
April 14, 2021 at 9:07 am
(This post was last modified: April 14, 2021 at 9:21 am by Rahn127.)
Nearly everyone in history who has ever been great or even not so great has one thing in common...they failed a lot.
Lots of failure can only lead to one place....success, that is if you let it.
We learn by failing. We learn by doing all the wrong things and then saying to ourselves. "Hey, lets not do that again."
When you hit rock bottom, that's when you can smile because everything gets better from that point on.
We all have difficult lives, even if someone else's life seems better than our own.
A friend of mine who has worked very hard all of his life to get to where he is makes a lot of money, has new Tesla, lives in a very nice house in a rich area of town and has a good family and I would say good friends too. He's traveled all over the world, is a director in his company and has a couple million set aside for his retirement.
Given all of that, he's also thought of suicide. The pressure in his job is huge. It's never ending. He doesn't work 8 hours a day. He works all the time. When he's at home, he's still working, trying to get through thousands of e-mails that need his attention. He has business meetings with China at 2:00 am. He doesn't get enough sleep. This has been his life for 20 years and he can't wait for it all to finally end.
His ending is retirement.
My life is much different. When I was 27, I was living with the love of my life and our son. We had been a family for 2 years and I was approaching the last year of college to get my bachelors in Math & Physics. The woman I loved most in this world suddenly died from an illness. I was devastated and the pain every single day made me such an emotional wreck. I attempted suicide once a month for 6 months. All I could see was my own pain. I wasn't thinking about how my death would effect others around me, how it would devastate my son, to not only have lost his mother, but then to lose his father too.
My last attempt nearly killed me, but my son saved my life. It was only when I thought of others did my life actually change. I realized how selfish I was. My pain was nothing to what others were going through.
I didn't finish my college degree. I went on to get a regular job and we lived our lives. I raised my son, work this job and that job, trying to keep my head above water. Many places I worked at went out of business, but I kept going. I did temp work, office work, whatever I could.
Things got better and I landed a job with TWA airlines. My son and I took day trips to Chicago and we traveled around the country. TWA got bought out by American Airlines and I lost that great job. I had to move in with family for a while until I bought my first house when I was 40. I landed a good job in a warehouse doing shipping and receiving.
That lasted until that company failed and went out of business. I ended up losing my house. I spent a year living on savings and trying to land a job back in the airlines, but that didn't pan out. My brother offered me a job in construction. I had worked office jobs nearly all my life but work is work.
I've been working construction for the past 9 years. I've built some wonderful houses and done plenty of home renovations, pole barns, room additions, you name it. During this time, I also starting writing. I've completed two books and now I'm actively trying to get one up on Amazon for sale. The other contains copy written characters and can't directly be sold for profit.
And lastly I now have 3 grandchildren.
No matter how many times you fail, you get back up. No matter how many jobs you lose, you find another one.
If I had ended my life all those years ago, I would never have experienced all that I have now.
I've been at rock bottom. I've cried hard many nights and wondered how the hell I was going to get through it all.
You wake up the next day and you get yourself up and you keep the fuck going.
You never stop.
Lots of failure can only lead to one place....success, that is if you let it.
We learn by failing. We learn by doing all the wrong things and then saying to ourselves. "Hey, lets not do that again."
When you hit rock bottom, that's when you can smile because everything gets better from that point on.
We all have difficult lives, even if someone else's life seems better than our own.
A friend of mine who has worked very hard all of his life to get to where he is makes a lot of money, has new Tesla, lives in a very nice house in a rich area of town and has a good family and I would say good friends too. He's traveled all over the world, is a director in his company and has a couple million set aside for his retirement.
Given all of that, he's also thought of suicide. The pressure in his job is huge. It's never ending. He doesn't work 8 hours a day. He works all the time. When he's at home, he's still working, trying to get through thousands of e-mails that need his attention. He has business meetings with China at 2:00 am. He doesn't get enough sleep. This has been his life for 20 years and he can't wait for it all to finally end.
His ending is retirement.
My life is much different. When I was 27, I was living with the love of my life and our son. We had been a family for 2 years and I was approaching the last year of college to get my bachelors in Math & Physics. The woman I loved most in this world suddenly died from an illness. I was devastated and the pain every single day made me such an emotional wreck. I attempted suicide once a month for 6 months. All I could see was my own pain. I wasn't thinking about how my death would effect others around me, how it would devastate my son, to not only have lost his mother, but then to lose his father too.
My last attempt nearly killed me, but my son saved my life. It was only when I thought of others did my life actually change. I realized how selfish I was. My pain was nothing to what others were going through.
I didn't finish my college degree. I went on to get a regular job and we lived our lives. I raised my son, work this job and that job, trying to keep my head above water. Many places I worked at went out of business, but I kept going. I did temp work, office work, whatever I could.
Things got better and I landed a job with TWA airlines. My son and I took day trips to Chicago and we traveled around the country. TWA got bought out by American Airlines and I lost that great job. I had to move in with family for a while until I bought my first house when I was 40. I landed a good job in a warehouse doing shipping and receiving.
That lasted until that company failed and went out of business. I ended up losing my house. I spent a year living on savings and trying to land a job back in the airlines, but that didn't pan out. My brother offered me a job in construction. I had worked office jobs nearly all my life but work is work.
I've been working construction for the past 9 years. I've built some wonderful houses and done plenty of home renovations, pole barns, room additions, you name it. During this time, I also starting writing. I've completed two books and now I'm actively trying to get one up on Amazon for sale. The other contains copy written characters and can't directly be sold for profit.
And lastly I now have 3 grandchildren.
No matter how many times you fail, you get back up. No matter how many jobs you lose, you find another one.
If I had ended my life all those years ago, I would never have experienced all that I have now.
I've been at rock bottom. I've cried hard many nights and wondered how the hell I was going to get through it all.
You wake up the next day and you get yourself up and you keep the fuck going.
You never stop.
Insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result
