Need criticism and assistance

[TheYoungAtheist]

Are you looking for a topic critique or an editing critique?

I'll go with the former for now and you can let me know if you needed the latter.

Firstly, there seems to be no "point" to it. I can't figure out where you are going with this. You will have to know where you are going with it before you start a rough draft. If you are trying to establish religion or belief in god as a detriment to mankind, you are going to need one hell of an outline so you can start your research.

Secondly, this is something like a random paragraph in the midst of something bigger. It is neither an opening paragraph nor a closer. In your opening, you will want to state your point. In other words, you will want to provide the reader with what it is you are trying to establish. You will spend the rest of the book establishing it, but in an organized fashion. For example, you could go through history elaborating on the negative impact religion has had on humankind, assuming I guessed your aim correctly. Start at the beginning and get to the end, making a valid point in each part. For another example, a part about the Salem Witch Trials could conclude that religious beliefs is especially dangerous when coupled with mob mentality. In the closer, you tie all of these points together and make your main point with them. Of course, you will have to weigh the "pros" of religion, if any, against the cons if you want to create a book that isn't centered on your own biases, if any.

In short, put your outline together on paper before you delve into the book. This is absolutely essential to keep track while you are writing. Otherwise, you will be re-reading your work a lot, repeating yourself or going all over the place.

Sorry for not being very clear. This is by no means a rough draft. Or even a thesis statement. This is but a fragment out of my notes. I do plan on cleaning it up a shit ton. With my notes, I just write all the little things that come to me throughout the day.