Fear After Leaving?

[Mister Agenda]

Religion occupied a lot of head space throughout my life. The clues and hints from religions outside of Christianity were always present in my child hood. Learning about each of them didn't bother me because it counted as diversity. But hearing individuals share their beliefs or theories on souls, heaven and the like left a lasting impression. Why would adults share their unsupported claims of the supernatural (with children)?

I've heard many wild claims. Most were shared in a classroom by professionals. Understanding that they were fed those same beliefs somewhat helps but there's still a nagging shame for being naive and a haunting sense of guilt for denying what's been claimed to exist for our salvation (Whatever that means). 

I'm not sure what this feeling is but it's consuming and twisting my stomach. It's complicated. My routine was attending an evangelical church every Sunday. Despite their dogma and conservative views, I found some purpose even though they're certainly false. I don't miss emulating their behaviors, but I do miss being around them. If the interactions I've had with them were performances instead of real then I'd feel worse. But they weren't. They were real people to me.

The beliefs are unsupported.

The magical thinking shifted my anxieties and worries. But now, all the effort in private prayers seem like wasted time. I know that activity can easily help, but my emotions are overwhelming. All that time was wasted trying to become another evangelist. 

Being a decent person doesn't require fairy tales or fears of eternal doom. Now that I'm out, fear alone is biting my rear.

I was also raised in an Evangelical Church (Assembly of God on my mother's side, United Pentecostal on my father's). I never doubted the existence of God until I read the Bible cover-to-cover, and even then I was more of the opinion that there was a God, but the writers of the Bible weren't really in contact with it. Eventually I became more skeptical of a lot of things and learned there were natural explanations for the existence of earth, nature, and the universe; and my residual belief faded.

I had some fear about being wrong and going to hell for not quelling my doubts, but that faded too, in a year or so. I think you'll find that your fear goes away too. I find most any theological claim not to not only be implausible, but unbelievable, and it's strange to think I ever found them convicing at all.