Atheists are miserable.

[Annik]

Only our enemies should be afraid. And that is if they cross us.
As the Germans would say, "Haß und Vergeltung!".

You fight for an arbitrary border in the sand.

What can you really "contribute" for yourself? You'll be dead in 70 years. Your contributions are needed elsewhere friend. Better focus there. Focus on your children, focus on your marriage.
Raise children that will be helpful to your country. That could be your ideal, your "red apple".
My red apple is the wellbeing of my people. The formation of the country that will lead them to this state of wellbeing. This will benefit me, and my children, and my grandchildren.
But my aim and goal are not "personal", meaning, they are not focused on my individual self, but on the public.

I can contribute to design because I love design. Therefore, I am making myself happy. I am being a good wife by equally participating in my relationship, communicating and bonding, making myself happy.

I'm going to focus on my career because that also makes me happy. I will be deep in my field before I take the risk of having children and I will continue my career as my husband and I raise them. I will work because it makes me happy and makes me money, which will help secure my family's fiances. My ideal is to be my own person and your gender roles make my roll my eyes.

I remember no such offense that I have to be ashamed of. I only know of the grand victories and accomplishments that I am proud to this day.

Your nationalism blinds you. I hope starving the Armenians of their rightful reparations and keeping them away from their original capital and their holy mountain makes you feel good about being a bully. You should try reading some history books that are written by your fellow nationalists.