I am going to assume that since you are posting this on an atheist forum, you are really looking for answers as to why a deity would put you through this. Sadly, this type of thinking is detrimental to mental illness. When I was severely depressed, I would lay awake at night wondering, "why me," even though I didn't attribute my problems to a god. That train of thought holds you back, however, as it keeps you from focusing on what you truly need to focus on, which is what to do about it. You have to stop obsessing over why you have been afflicted this way, and you must take control of your life. Accept that you are ill, and then own that illness.
Once you have accepted you are ill, you can move on and really fight the illness. Pondering the why's of mental illness keeps you in a harmful sequence of thought that puts you in a powerless postion, but to beat mental illness, you have to take control of the things you actually have control over.
Once you have accepted you are ill, you can move on and really fight the illness. Pondering the why's of mental illness keeps you in a harmful sequence of thought that puts you in a powerless postion, but to beat mental illness, you have to take control of the things you actually have control over.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
