Shackled by religion
July 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm
(This post was last modified: July 1, 2012 at 3:01 pm by GorGor1994.)
Warning massive wall of text incoming
I feel like I'm a prisoner of my parents' religion, I have secretly been doubting my religion (Islam) since I was a 12 year old, and denounced it completely by the time I was 15.
Now I'm 18 and to this day there is no single person in my family (our household and extended family) that suspects anything. I do as they do and do as my parents tell me to, including prayers, going to the mosque and memorizing verses from the Qur'an, those things are not too bad but what has been bothering me is the fact that this flawed religion combined with my parents' (and most of the people from my country's) GINORMOUS ignorance of both science, their own religion and the terrible things both my parents have gone through in their life has had a negative impact on my life for as far as I can remember.
I have little to no friends left as I've been estranged from them since I was 14, I'm not allowed to visit friends as my mother fears they will offer me drugs (she believes all young non muslim males do drugs) or influence me in any other way Islam can not accept. I have heard my mother openly (and in front of me) discussing marriage plans with my grandmother and she has even suggested some cousins.. These girls are mostly uneducated, will not understand a word I say and were only raised to clean and cook for some man in the near future. I'm looking forward to spending my life with one of those! *sarcasm*
To make matters worse I've been madly in love with a girl for three years now and she feels the same, the only reason I have refused to start a relationship or anything that hints we are involved with eachother is because I fear for her - and my safety.
I've heard my mother stress enough times that the day I questioned Islam -be it through my actions or otherwise - would be the day my entire family would shun me (if I am lucky). The other option is having either me or the girl I mentioned earlier being hurt, or worse murdered. These are not only things I hear in the news, I've heard such tragic events being discussed casually by my aunts and uncles with my mother.
Since I'm lucky I live in the free west now there will be plenty of ways for me to prevent coming to such a tragic end, but being shunned or disowned is perfectly legal.
I have decided that the best moment to tell them is when I've finished my education and landed a job to protect my future. Especially since I just graduated with great results and am about to study software engineering at the local university of applied sciences next year, something I do NOT want to be influenced negatively by my problems. The thing is I can not imagine living a life without my dear younger brother whom I love a lot, or coping with the guilt of (in a sense) abandoning them after they went through so much to raise me.
/discuss
I feel like I'm a prisoner of my parents' religion, I have secretly been doubting my religion (Islam) since I was a 12 year old, and denounced it completely by the time I was 15.
Now I'm 18 and to this day there is no single person in my family (our household and extended family) that suspects anything. I do as they do and do as my parents tell me to, including prayers, going to the mosque and memorizing verses from the Qur'an, those things are not too bad but what has been bothering me is the fact that this flawed religion combined with my parents' (and most of the people from my country's) GINORMOUS ignorance of both science, their own religion and the terrible things both my parents have gone through in their life has had a negative impact on my life for as far as I can remember.
I have little to no friends left as I've been estranged from them since I was 14, I'm not allowed to visit friends as my mother fears they will offer me drugs (she believes all young non muslim males do drugs) or influence me in any other way Islam can not accept. I have heard my mother openly (and in front of me) discussing marriage plans with my grandmother and she has even suggested some cousins.. These girls are mostly uneducated, will not understand a word I say and were only raised to clean and cook for some man in the near future. I'm looking forward to spending my life with one of those! *sarcasm*
To make matters worse I've been madly in love with a girl for three years now and she feels the same, the only reason I have refused to start a relationship or anything that hints we are involved with eachother is because I fear for her - and my safety.
I've heard my mother stress enough times that the day I questioned Islam -be it through my actions or otherwise - would be the day my entire family would shun me (if I am lucky). The other option is having either me or the girl I mentioned earlier being hurt, or worse murdered. These are not only things I hear in the news, I've heard such tragic events being discussed casually by my aunts and uncles with my mother.
Since I'm lucky I live in the free west now there will be plenty of ways for me to prevent coming to such a tragic end, but being shunned or disowned is perfectly legal.
I have decided that the best moment to tell them is when I've finished my education and landed a job to protect my future. Especially since I just graduated with great results and am about to study software engineering at the local university of applied sciences next year, something I do NOT want to be influenced negatively by my problems. The thing is I can not imagine living a life without my dear younger brother whom I love a lot, or coping with the guilt of (in a sense) abandoning them after they went through so much to raise me.
/discuss
