Shackled by religion

[Angrboda]

I'm not going to advise in any respect. I will point out, however, in regard to "enforcing the law," there was not too long ago a conviction in Canada of, IIRC, honor killings involving a husband, wife and son who killed four women for a range of so-called "offenses" against their honor. Religion makes people crazy. Having kids makes people crazy. Having rebellious kids makes you crazy. I suspect you're not in an extremely high risk family from what little I read (yes, I'll go back, I didn't fully read you). Tensions in such circumstance run high, and all-around. (I'm guessing you're a teenager, and you may not welcome this, but at your age, you're likely to be less mature, more emotionally challenged, less disciplined and so on, which means you likely add a bit of your own to the crazy.) Parents, well, whether they express it in any real loving way, you matter to them (usually), more than anything else in the world, they've got a lot at stake, and if it were a bear coming after you, or a bullet, many would step in and take the harm instead of you. And I don't mean that it's necessarily an "I love you, mush, mush, mush" thing, after raising you all those years, what happens to you matters to them, and that makes it a very potentially volatile situation.

For my part, my parents were very liberal pseudo-Christians, which is probably good for me, else I'd be dead right now. But they were very controlling, each in their own way. (My brother was 14 years older than me, but he tells of how my father used to follow him around, keeping tabs on him, covertly like, and if confronted, claim it an "accidental" coincidence meeting. He'd mellowed considerably in 14 years.) My mother had a problem with dependency issues, and actively discouraged independence in all of us kids. And father, as noted, was simply controlling. I was, beyond being something of a black sheep, very spoiled, and got things that I wanted. But, when college came around, and I applied and was accepted by a major university in another part of the state, the iron curtain came down; they did everything they could to discourage me from going and making it as hard as possible for me to go, withdrawing all support of any kind if I went anyway. The result was, I didn't go. (I was a very sheltered and shy person. I needed support. At the time, I simply wasn't strong enough to do it all on my own.)

(A few years later, I started having chronic, severe depressions which led to my expulsion from the local uni, so it ultimately didn't matter, but I was so angry at them at the time.)



I said I wasn't going to advise, but I am going to break with that a little. You say you are going to mosque and memorizing verse and so on, and I understand you would like to be expressing your own self instead of smothered over by beliefs and practices that, because of the situation, you are forced to patronize. But, if you are of the right type, there can be relief right under your nose. I'm a deeply religious and philosophical person, so I enjoy religion, in general, just for its own sake. Some of the world religions, maybe most, have produced fascinating culture and history. I have artwork and religious icons from multiple religions around my apartment, just because they are so beautiful, or fascinating. Yes, representations of my goddess Kali dominate, but there are also traditional Christian art, several Nataraja (statues of Shiva), various Buddhism related works, Mexican day of the dead icons, and so forth. If you can embrace it, this may be an opportunity for you to embrace it, as a culture, which, although foreign to you, but is interesting in its own right; and look upon this as an educational opportunity. You can be kind of like a foreign exchange student, right at home, studying a strange and different culture. And the more you understand of their beliefs and feelings and so forth, the more empathy and understanding you will bring to the negotiation table when the coming storm, which may be a ways off from now, eventually breaks. More, the better and more knowledgeable you are about the faith you are parting from, the better you will be able to explain and defend your choice, the more secure you will be in your own beliefs having rejected it, and the better you will then be able to advocate, both for your own atheist (?) views, but also advocate and argue or persuade others either to abandon unhealthy and destructive views, or change them some, or at minimum, be more tolerant for those like you. This all depends upon who you are as a person, but I think there is an opportunity here, as well as a disadvantage. (And not to be sneaky or anything, but with strong bonds to individuals and a community, the more effective you can be in working for change. Some will listen to a friend or acquaintance what they wouldn't hear from a stranger.)