sleep Wrote:It still seems a hell of a lot easier to be straight, though. I always feel paranoid now. That I'm too feminine, that it's too obvious that I'm gay, that I'm hiding something, and I can't really help it. I don't even want to talk to anyone anymore or go out in public.
You need to listen to yourself. You are teeming with self-hatred, and all of the digust you have described is merely the projection of that self-hatred onto the gay community. Until you accept that you are gay and learn to love yourself regardless of your sexuality, you are awlays going to be a miserable misanthrope. You scapegoat the faults of others to hide the fact that you don't like yourself, because that allows you to believe they they are the ones with the prolbem.
See a counselor and learn to accept and love yourself.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
