Atheist and ex-gay?

[TaraJo]

if you're ashamed of being a femmy gay man, and you're able to change that aspect to yourself, what's to prevent you from being a 'straight acting' gay man?

I've tried. Most people can't just change their personality like that, especially such a drastic change. Sports just don't interest me, neither do cars, neither do other stereotypical "guy" stuff. I hate most heavy metal and rap (the only music straight men seem to be socially allowed to like). And I hate rough-housing, I'm not tough at all.

So, you think that forcing yourself to be heterosexual will somehow make you magically start liking football and rap music? How's that work?

How's this: if you don't like those traits about yourself, why don't you try to change those traits instead of changing your sexual orientation? Like I said, science has pretty much proven that not only can sexual orientation not be changed, but trying is harmful. Personality traits like musical tastes, though, that doesn't work the same way. Changing your personality might be hard, but I think it would be easier than changing your sexual orientation.

Also, perhaps you met more bad lesbians because you said you "kinda" are one... and I met more bad gay men because I am one. Because anyone I know who isn't a gay man says the same thing you did, that their friends are, they know plenty of good ones, etc. Because you didn't try to date them and don't know them on that level, so you don't see their bad sides. I guess straight people have them to.

It's one of the difficult things about being single in general: no good options. Truth is, if there were a perfect guy out there, you know, has a great job, good personality, doesn't embarrass himself or others, all that stuff, he probably isn't going to be single. I mean, if you were dating the perfect man, would you break up with him? I know I wouldn't. If he did find himself single, somehow, it wouldn't be long before he winds up in a relationship again (unless he specifically isn't looking for a relationship, which, again, puts him in the 'unattainable' category).

Thing is, all this applies to heterosexual relationships, too. If a woman is Ms. Perfect, she isn't going to be single too long. If she has some huge, glaring flaw, yeah, she's going to be single because she chases away potential suitors.