(September 21, 2012 at 2:45 pm)RaphielDrake Wrote: er... no. No I made this thread so people could post short stories which start off generic and then end with a moment that makes the reader go "Wait, what the fuck?"
Oh, this is for short stories? In that case, here's one I wrote called 'The Reasonable Man':
- Don Portochiney was a devout man. Suddenly his Bible (King James version) began chasing him. He ran through the kitchen and jumped over the bar he’d installed last Christmas and gripped a frying pan with an emotion that could only be described as KABLAAAMMMM - ! - he whacked that good book good and it flailed as its pages whipped through the air like some frenzied tornado of judicial holy paper cuts ready to rend the skin from Don’s epsilon-male body.
Don, of course, was only dreaming oh wait shit, no he wasn’t! The chase continued, however it appeared that Don had really shot himself in the foot this time (metaphorically, of course, however Don did own many firearms locked up in a location other than the one he currently resided in). The heathen blow Don had dealt to the KJV Bible in his kitchen had compounded the problem, you see; now all 1001 pages independently (and viciously) pursued him with a cleansing fury that could only be described as Bibliciousness. Remember folks: only one heavenly slice into Don’s pallid, effeminate complexion would be enough; for the edges of the pages were poisoned with holy water that burned like hellfire to the touch.
Don jumped another bar and ran through the throngs of sweaty bodies attending the Ricky Martin concert. This was an unintentionally wise move on the part of Don because the holy text began to lose its divine powers as it weaved between the gay men seeking Don like a heat-seeking missile. This is because gay men to the Bible are basically what Kryptonite is to Superman. So, Don made a quiet escape into the passionate night as Ricky vigorously shook his Kryptonite to the beat of another man’s bongo drums.
Don was feelin’ mighty pooped after such an adrenaline pumping experience. The thing with the Bible was heart beat inducing too. But for now he curled up into a masculine fetal position and wept himself to sleep, chastising himself over what was, what is and what could be. The mother bird gracefully landed on the edge of her carefully constructed nest, 5 meters above the ground. The squawking of the newly hatched chicks rose to a crescendo, but this mumma favored her eldest tonight. The mother bird regurgitated her semi-digested finds into Don’s open mouth. A smile appeared upon his face as his mind drifted off into the night amid the distant jungle beats of heretics. Yes, you were never too old to return to the nest.
~FIN~
