Well. . . looks like I have Aspergers.
December 4, 2012 at 12:11 am
(This post was last modified: December 4, 2012 at 12:24 am by Aegrus.)
My new psychiatrist has decided that my other psychiatrist was incorrect in his diagnosis of OCD. The new-ish guy diagnosed me with Aspergers, which is a mild form of autism. Completely unrelated, five other members of my extended family have all-out, paranoid Scizophrenia, and several more probably do, but have never been diagnosed. (Older generations.) At least I don't have that. Hearing voices in my head would make atheism difficult to maintain. 
The symptoms of Aspergers that I have include:
Muted emotions.
A wide array of incessant twitches and odd postures, none of which are attractive in the least.
A tendency to wander and pace aimlessly for no reason.
An inability to keep anywhere that I live clean for any length of time. (Though this one might just be laziness.)
Extreme social anxiety. As in, I feign illness and otherwise lie to avoid talking to people just because I'm certain they'll hate me/ view me as a freak if I have time to open my mouth. (Fortunately, this fear isn't present on the internet, for whatever reason.)
Complete lack of ability to pick up subtle social/vocal cues. (Again, kind of a non-factor on the internet.)
Hatred of making eye contact with people. It makes me VERY uncomfortable.
Very rigid, set-in stone routines. If they're broken even in the slightest, I feel like I'm about to die for half of the day.
Hyperlexia. (This symptom is actually rather nice.)
An obsession with writing, both random lists and fiction. It's to a point where I feel like I wasted a day if I didn't spend half of it writing something. This obsession comes at the expense of everything else. Literally nothing is interesting to me but writing. If I write for 5+ hours, I'm happy, and most of my other symptoms actually abate. If I don't write at all, I'm utterly miserable and want to die.
While half of my family has wasted no time in calling me a variety of colorful names (including but not limited to "retard, psychopath, and ass-burger"--yes, these people are adults, not children), at least I now know that there's a reason beyond personal inferiority why I've never been able to have a close relationship with anyone.
I'm really not sure how to feel about this news. But then, maybe that's just the "muted emotions" bit.
The symptoms of Aspergers that I have include:
Muted emotions.
A wide array of incessant twitches and odd postures, none of which are attractive in the least.
A tendency to wander and pace aimlessly for no reason.
An inability to keep anywhere that I live clean for any length of time. (Though this one might just be laziness.)
Extreme social anxiety. As in, I feign illness and otherwise lie to avoid talking to people just because I'm certain they'll hate me/ view me as a freak if I have time to open my mouth. (Fortunately, this fear isn't present on the internet, for whatever reason.)
Complete lack of ability to pick up subtle social/vocal cues. (Again, kind of a non-factor on the internet.)
Hatred of making eye contact with people. It makes me VERY uncomfortable.
Very rigid, set-in stone routines. If they're broken even in the slightest, I feel like I'm about to die for half of the day.
Hyperlexia. (This symptom is actually rather nice.)
An obsession with writing, both random lists and fiction. It's to a point where I feel like I wasted a day if I didn't spend half of it writing something. This obsession comes at the expense of everything else. Literally nothing is interesting to me but writing. If I write for 5+ hours, I'm happy, and most of my other symptoms actually abate. If I don't write at all, I'm utterly miserable and want to die.
While half of my family has wasted no time in calling me a variety of colorful names (including but not limited to "retard, psychopath, and ass-burger"--yes, these people are adults, not children), at least I now know that there's a reason beyond personal inferiority why I've never been able to have a close relationship with anyone.
I'm really not sure how to feel about this news. But then, maybe that's just the "muted emotions" bit.
What falls away is always, and is near.
Also, I am not pretending to be female, this profile picture is my wonderful girlfriend. XD
