HELL
EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY
STUDENT
The
following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry
mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so
'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of
the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when
it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the
following:
First, we
need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know
the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today.
Most of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all
souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1. If
Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If
Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which
is it?
If we
accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It
will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that
it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN
A+.
EXPLAINED
BY A CHEMISTRY
STUDENT
The
following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry
mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so
'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of
the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when
it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the
following:
First, we
need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know
the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today.
Most of
these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all
souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1. If
Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If
Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which
is it?
If we
accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It
will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that
it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN
A+.
