Jesus

[Minimalist]

Read Livy.

There is a formula to his writing. Every year begins with elections and then the auguries are taken and then you get into some horseshit like this.

] Men's fears were augmented by the prodigies reported simultaneously from many places: that in Sicily the javelins of several soldiers had taken fire, and that in Sardinia, as a horseman was making the round of the night-watch, the same thing had happened to the truncheon which he held in his hand; that many fires had blazed up on the shore; that two shields had sweated blood; that certain soldiers had been struck with lightning; that the sun's disk had seemed to be contracted; [9] that glowing stones had fallen from the sky at Praeneste; that at Arpi bucklers had appeared in the sky and the sun had seemed to be fighting with the moon; that at Capena two moons had risen in the daytime; [10] that the waters of Caere had flowed mixed with blood, and that bloodstains had appeared in the water that trickled from the spring of Hercules itself; that at Antium, when some men were reaping, bloody ears of corn had fallen into their basket; that at Falerii the sky had seemed to be rent as it were with a great fissure; and through the opening a bright light had shone; [11] and that lots5 had shrunk [p. 203]and that one had fallen out without being touched,6 on which was written, “Mavors7 brandishes his spear;” [12] that in Rome, about the same time, the statue of Mars on the Appian Way and the images of the wolves had sweated; that at Capua there had been the appearance of a sky on fire and of a moon that fell in the midst of a shower of rain. [13] Afterwards less memorable prodigies were also given credence: that certain folk had found their goats to have got woolly fleeces; that a hen had changed into a cock and a cock into a hen.

[14] When the consul had laid these reports before the senate exactly as they had come to him and had introduced into the House the men who vouched for their truth, he consulted the Fathers regarding their religious import. [15] It was voted that these prodigies should be expiated, in part with greater, in part with lesser victims, and that a supplication should be held for three days at all the couches of the gods; [16] as for the rest, when the decemvirs should have inspected the Books, such rites were to be observed as they should declare, in accordance with the sacred verses,8 to be pleasing to the gods. [17] Being so admonished by the decemvirs, they decreed that the first gift should be made to Jupiter, a golden thunderbolt weighing fifty pounds; and that Juno and Minerva should be given offerings of silver; [18] that Juno Regina on the Aventine and Juno Sospita at Lanuvium should receive a sacrifice of greater victims, and that the matrons, each contributing as much as she could afford, should make up a sum of money and carry it as a gift to Juno Regina on the Aventine and there celebrate a lectisternium9 ; and that even the very freed-women [p. 205]should contribute money, in proportion to their10 abilities, for an offering to Feronia.11 [19] These measures being taken, the decemvirs sacrificed at Ardea in the market-place with the greater victims. Finally-the month was now December —victims were slain at the temple of Saturn in Rome and a lectisternium was ordered-this time senators administered the rite12 —and [20] a public feast, and throughout the City for a day and a night “Saturnalia” was cried, and the people were bidden to keep that day as a holiday and observe it in perpetuity.13

And BTW, this is from the Year When Gnaeus Servilius Geminus and Gaius Flaminius were consuls...otherwise known as 217 BC to us. They must have fucked up the sacrifices though. Both got their asses kicked by Hannibal. Additionally, there is the commanded performance of the lectisternium which can be read about here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lectisternium

Superstitious pap? Of course. But what religion isn't?