You also asked about how it affects people - I forgot to touch on that.
My experience has been that my baseline moods were dysthymic (low-grade depression), with frequent more severe depressions, and occasional manic periods and mixed episodes (where both manic and depressed features are present).
I found, perhaps because they were not the norm, that manic and mixed episodes were by far the most destructive and dangerous. Not so at first - the ramp-up feels good, you feel on top of the world, confident, etc. It became difficult to rest or sleep. I felt *driven* - and not in a good way, "compelled" might be a better word - to do things. Something. Anything. I abused cocaine and alcohol. I'd stay out all night, which at the time was no big deal as at one point in the cycle, I stopped sleeping altogether. In my deluded mind, there were no consequences. I could do whatever I wanted. There was no stopping me.
What goes up, must come down, and the crash was always faster and harder than the rise. I became aware of and ashamed of the things I had been doing. I would become suicidal and hostile, and unapproachable by the people who cared about me. Eventually the cycle would complete, and return to baseline.
I lived like this for over 20 years before I was properly diagnosed and treated. I'm thankful that you caught it early.
My experience has been that my baseline moods were dysthymic (low-grade depression), with frequent more severe depressions, and occasional manic periods and mixed episodes (where both manic and depressed features are present).
I found, perhaps because they were not the norm, that manic and mixed episodes were by far the most destructive and dangerous. Not so at first - the ramp-up feels good, you feel on top of the world, confident, etc. It became difficult to rest or sleep. I felt *driven* - and not in a good way, "compelled" might be a better word - to do things. Something. Anything. I abused cocaine and alcohol. I'd stay out all night, which at the time was no big deal as at one point in the cycle, I stopped sleeping altogether. In my deluded mind, there were no consequences. I could do whatever I wanted. There was no stopping me.
What goes up, must come down, and the crash was always faster and harder than the rise. I became aware of and ashamed of the things I had been doing. I would become suicidal and hostile, and unapproachable by the people who cared about me. Eventually the cycle would complete, and return to baseline.
I lived like this for over 20 years before I was properly diagnosed and treated. I'm thankful that you caught it early.
