It only took me 11 years, yeah...
A greater understanding recently of mental illnesses helped me take the first steps. I've always felt like something is just...off. But the last four or five years or so it's been getting worse. I've refused to acknowledge something is wrong but...funniest thing, what got me to finally pay attention was the inability to write. During the depression phases [which are the longest-lasting and most persistent], I can't write a fucking thing, and just going to work, or doing anything, is a fucking struggle. My mind constantly works against itself. Last few years I keep abruptly quitting my jobs for no reason despite it putting me and my best friend into shittier and shittier financial straits. She keeps having to cover for me. It isn't normal, I recognize this finally. I want to get treated. I want to not feel like doing anything is a chore and a struggle. I want to write. I want to finally get my life together, I want to get my shit straight. I didn't survive the fucking hell that was my upbringing just to get taken down and perpetually life-cockblocked by my fucking hormonal glands, dammit.
And, after doing some digging in my family's medical history, both sides have issues with bipolarity...and there's a very large number of suicides throughout both family's generations.
Major fucking alarms there.
I appreciate your advice, Cthulhu, Apo, and John, and the encouragement, Nora. I'll take all that's been said in mind going forward. Also, John, I will be getting a second opinion from the psychiatrist when I speak to her, though I am afraid the option of a third opinion is not open to me due to the extreme limitations of choices I have through my insurance provider. I dunno if UHC just plain doesn't believe bipolar disorder is a valid illness or something but the selection of in-network psychiatrists who specialize in bipolar disorder is VERY slim locally, so...just gonna have to cross my fingers and hope.
A greater understanding recently of mental illnesses helped me take the first steps. I've always felt like something is just...off. But the last four or five years or so it's been getting worse. I've refused to acknowledge something is wrong but...funniest thing, what got me to finally pay attention was the inability to write. During the depression phases [which are the longest-lasting and most persistent], I can't write a fucking thing, and just going to work, or doing anything, is a fucking struggle. My mind constantly works against itself. Last few years I keep abruptly quitting my jobs for no reason despite it putting me and my best friend into shittier and shittier financial straits. She keeps having to cover for me. It isn't normal, I recognize this finally. I want to get treated. I want to not feel like doing anything is a chore and a struggle. I want to write. I want to finally get my life together, I want to get my shit straight. I didn't survive the fucking hell that was my upbringing just to get taken down and perpetually life-cockblocked by my fucking hormonal glands, dammit.
And, after doing some digging in my family's medical history, both sides have issues with bipolarity...and there's a very large number of suicides throughout both family's generations.
Major fucking alarms there.
I appreciate your advice, Cthulhu, Apo, and John, and the encouragement, Nora. I'll take all that's been said in mind going forward. Also, John, I will be getting a second opinion from the psychiatrist when I speak to her, though I am afraid the option of a third opinion is not open to me due to the extreme limitations of choices I have through my insurance provider. I dunno if UHC just plain doesn't believe bipolar disorder is a valid illness or something but the selection of in-network psychiatrists who specialize in bipolar disorder is VERY slim locally, so...just gonna have to cross my fingers and hope.
