(September 20, 2013 at 11:21 pm)Captain Colostomy Wrote: Damn, TGAC. I'm glad you feel a sense of relief discussing that. You deserve at least that much.
I had a normal upbringing, believe it or not. Both parents present, no trauma. I have plenty of complaints, but they are first world problems at most. I guess now, thinking about it, my kids really do have it good...the ungrateful bastards!
I am scared of being pittied. Throughout half my life, people tried to force me into being something that I did not want to be. Knowing that I am only who I want me to be, is one of the few things that gave me comfort and kept me from going mad. If I accept pitty, if I talk about my problems for the purpose of helping myself, the people who did this to me have won. They would have succeeded in determening who I am, they would have become an official part of my life, they would have an influence in every single thing I do in my life. They would have created me.
That is the thing I am most affraid of, I do not want to give them that victory. I do not want them to determine who I am. So I do what I always did, I bite my teeth together, I stop crying, I go through it, I endure, I suffer, but I dont give them the pleasure of acknowleging that I suffer to anyone or myself. I walk on and work on being myself without them havin anything to do in what I decide.
I make myself to be what I want to be and no one will ever have a word in what I am going to be again.
