RE: Embarrassing
October 3, 2013 at 1:37 am
(This post was last modified: October 3, 2013 at 1:38 am by Raeven.)
So... as I've mentioned elsewhere on this forum, I was a judge's assistant for a lot of years. Every morning, we'd go through the "All rise!" routine, where the bailiff would lead us out into the courtroom, bringing the attendees to order. Of course I always stood respectfully until we were invited to sit -- the bailiff would conclude his shpiel with, "Please be seated and come to order!" -- but while all that was going on, I was usually perusing my calendar, making sure I had my files in order, file stamps, exhibit stickers, etc. at the ready. In other words, I wasn't really paying attention.
This particular morning, we had a packed courtroom. We called the Master Calendar, the one that assigned all cases out for trial to the other judges, so all the attorneys and their clients were there. Additionally, we called a criminal calendar immediately after the Master Calendar, so all the in-custody folks were seated in the jury box at the ready, immediately adjacent to my work station.
The bailiff is doing his thing and finally I hear, "Please be seated..." So I sit. Only not really. I just felt my buttocks brush the edge of my chair as it slid out the reach of my ass (the chair was wheeled), so I collapsed in an ungainly heap on the floor instead. My judge peered over the side of his bench with a look that indicated it would be fine with him if I just carried on falling straight through the floor, never to be seen or heard from again.
The worst thing was, as I was trying to get up while gracefully keeping my knees together (no sense giving the in-custodies an impromptu thrill), my bailiff, attempting to come to my aid, grabbed me under the arms and started trying to haul me to my feet. He was a small man and I am 5' 9" tall, more Christina Hendricks than Calista Flockhart. So his effectiveness was nil. This ridiculous cabaret caused me to start laughing uncontrollably, so with all that going on, I was REALLY struggling to get back on my feet. Mission was finally accomplished, but I never, ever again took my seat in the courtroom until I literally TOOK MY SEAT by the fingers to make sure it was solidly under me before shifting my weight into a sitting position. Ugh, I still blush!
This particular morning, we had a packed courtroom. We called the Master Calendar, the one that assigned all cases out for trial to the other judges, so all the attorneys and their clients were there. Additionally, we called a criminal calendar immediately after the Master Calendar, so all the in-custody folks were seated in the jury box at the ready, immediately adjacent to my work station.
The bailiff is doing his thing and finally I hear, "Please be seated..." So I sit. Only not really. I just felt my buttocks brush the edge of my chair as it slid out the reach of my ass (the chair was wheeled), so I collapsed in an ungainly heap on the floor instead. My judge peered over the side of his bench with a look that indicated it would be fine with him if I just carried on falling straight through the floor, never to be seen or heard from again.
The worst thing was, as I was trying to get up while gracefully keeping my knees together (no sense giving the in-custodies an impromptu thrill), my bailiff, attempting to come to my aid, grabbed me under the arms and started trying to haul me to my feet. He was a small man and I am 5' 9" tall, more Christina Hendricks than Calista Flockhart. So his effectiveness was nil. This ridiculous cabaret caused me to start laughing uncontrollably, so with all that going on, I was REALLY struggling to get back on my feet. Mission was finally accomplished, but I never, ever again took my seat in the courtroom until I literally TOOK MY SEAT by the fingers to make sure it was solidly under me before shifting my weight into a sitting position. Ugh, I still blush!
