Southern Baptist

[Minimalist]

A drunk man was going through the forest, one time, and he chanced upon a river, in the middle of the forest. In the river, a preacher was baptizing.
The drunk stepped into the water.
The preacher says, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't."
The preacher dunks the man into the water, and he comes up again.
"Have you found Jesus, my brother?" the preacher inquired, a second time.
"No, I have not."
The preacher dunks him into the water again.
"Have you found Jesus yet, brother?"
"No, I have not."
The preacher dunks him into the water, a third time. This time, for a little longer.
When he couldn't breathe, the preacher released him, and he came up out of the water again.
The preacher said, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?!"
"For the last time, no! Are you sure this is where he fell in?"