RE: Children and punishments
January 16, 2014 at 9:48 am
(This post was last modified: January 16, 2014 at 9:49 am by Ben Davis.)
(January 15, 2014 at 6:20 pm)BrokenQuill92 Wrote:My son's only just 3 so we're still in the stage when punitive instruction is most effective. 3 approaches work best with him, depending on the incident: time-out/naughty-step, confiscation of personal items and a firm, disparaging tone. I apply these in situations where he's causing harm to himself or others, not simply when I disagree with him; that part's been the most difficult but it's stopped me from punishing him for instinctive self-expression and has meant he's taught me much about myself in the process.
As he's growing, I'm adding empathic reasoning to these tools so that he understands why his behaviour is harmful, to teach him to consider how he would feel if he were facing his behaviour and to encourage him to put himself in the position of others. I also take advantage of his natural tendency to anthropomorphise to extend this education to circumstances and belongings as well as people. Part of this is getting him to apologise for wrong-doing however my main focus is on encouraging him to consider the possible consequences of his actions before/as he takes them. I'm happy to say that I use "be careful" and "think about what your doing" more commonly than "say sorry". More than that, he's started to question my behaviour in the same way.
My ultimate goal is to transition, as he grows, from coercive, punitive instruction to consentual self-administration. I consider that to be the most adult model of behavioural consideration. Alongside this, I hope to have taught him lessons which most enable this model whilst also helping him cope with a world where the majority still see nothing wrong with coercive, incarceral, corporal and capital punishment.
Sum ergo sum
