Children and punishments

[Ben Davis]

As a first time mother... HELP I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!


I use the time out method. It doesn't work for my kid. He is very strong willed.

Lol! So's mine (although I'm secretly really happy about this!) and I had trouble at first. Mine's just 3 and time-out/naughty step has worked for about the past year. How old's yours?

The things that made the difference were:

- consistency: every (and I mean every) instance of misbehaviour was given the punishment, no matter how small. Draw a firm and easy-to-understand boundary. Complexity can come as they get older and the system is well established.

- getting them to stay in place: pick your spot carefully. Make sure there are no distractions, things to play with or escape routes that don't go past where you are (you may need to position yourself strategically to make sure they can't escape if they make a dash for it). Use reinforcement every time you put them in place; this avoids making it a game. You may need to do this a few times but with effective consistency and reinforcement, they should quickly stop trying to escape. Most importantly, don't stop putting them in place, no matter how many times it takes! It's a battle of wills that you must win!!

- reinforcement: as you put them in time-out/on the naughty step, come right down to them (I don't mean bend-over, I mean sit on the floor so that your eyes are at the same level) and tell them exactly why they're in time-out in language they can understand. Get an acknowledgement that they've heard you before you walk away and start the time. Stay away for the whole time (unless they try to escape!) then reinforce when you go back. I repeat the reasons why they're in time-out and get them to repeat back to me then I explain why the behaviour is unacceptable (e.g. 'you'll hurt yourself/you'll hurt someone else/you'll smash that thing'). Then get the apology and reinforce your personal connection (e.g. now that you're behaving we can have close time/sitting on lap/play). As the child gets older, make the reinforcement more explanatory, the time-out longer and request more detail/empathy in the response before finishing the punishment. Complete all steps of the reinforcement, every time: once again, this is a battle of wills!

If you want professional advice, have a read of SuperNanny (Jo Frost) for an excellent model for time-outs.

P.s. BATTLE OF WILLS!!!1!11!!!!