What deism has done for the world

[*Deidre*]

How does one have sex without lust?

How indeed? What constitutes "lust" exactly and when is it "just lust"? I glossed over that philosophical point to focus on the one I was making.

Love and lust aren't the same, of course, but if we define "lust" as raw sexual desire, they are catalysts of one another. I've heard therapists say that for married couples who've lost "that spark", it may be the result of unresolved resentments that have buried the feelings of love. From what I've heard, couples that can be helped to resolve these resentments can reconnect in love and thus restore that desire. Love is a catalyst for lust in this example.

I've personally found that feelings of closeness with another can strengthen desire. The reverse can happen as well. The joke I heard once is "get a man by the balls and his heart and mind will follow." I really don't know if that's true in general but it has been for me. It's hard for me not to fall for a partner with whom I've enjoyed great sex (in the example I shared, I really had to restrain my heart from getting too attached, remembering what she'd told me). On the other hand, there have been times where I really wanted to fall for someone but the "chemistry" wasn't there. Like I said, they're definitely not the same but they seem to work together well.

And when is it "just lust"? Is it possible to have such an intimate physical connection and not feel anything emotionally for your partner? Maybe not the "everlasting one and only love" kind of feeling but some sort of empathic connection? Maybe it is but I've never experienced it.

Lust is sexual desire, that is how I define it, and love needn't accompany it in order to have satisfying sex with someone. From a Christian perspective, it was always conveyed to me something to stifle. One mustn't "lust" after someone. I don't believe personally in "sleeping around," but I don't see anything wrong with two consenting adults enjoying safe sex, without a commitment. If love develops, great. If not, to me, there is nothing wrong with that in principle.

I think that it's important to not use others for one's own gratification. Certainly, lust can be taken to risky and unhealthy levels.

But the term itself means little more than a natural, sexual biological urge and there's no need to make such an urge sound wrong, or dirty. Religion makes people feel guilty for just being human. :/