(March 12, 2014 at 9:26 pm)futilethewinds Wrote:(March 12, 2014 at 9:11 pm)psychoslice Wrote: It wasn't wanting to be right or wrong, its was when it started to get personal, and yes i was drawn into that also, the words that cut me spin around and around in my head, I hear the words in a voice that wont shut up.I think I understand that. A part of me is always bringing me down, insulting me the way my emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulative biological father did. It's taken a lot of years of therapy to make that part of me smaller and less dominant than the rest of my conscious mind.
But I am learning, this is the first forum I have been on that everyone swears at each other, which can be good, I just think I will have to get use to it, its me, not you I know that.
BTW, I have suffered PTSD as well, and I haven't dealt with it yet because confronting it causes me to revert to my younger self, who was scared all the time, and that's really not conducive to completing my education.
Yes my parents always put me down also, I could never be right at anything, and no matter how enlightened we are the mind body organism remembers it, so it can take years before its dissolved from the memory.
Yes I understand how you must feel with PTSD, it took me years to really deal with it head on. I can talk about my issues now where as before I would just cry thinking about it, that night I got shot in my car I live everyday in some way.
That's interesting what you said about revert to my younger self, my brother got killed in an accident when he was only 16, since then my mum and dad became alcoholics, I was only 14 then, and after that my whole life was in chaos. I was a very sensitive boy then and as I got older I never left the mind set of being 14, I didn't really grow up until I was about 40, the reason I would revert back to that age was because before then I was happy.
I hope you get through you ordeal, just keep reminding yourself its only life, there is always going to be what we call good and bad, we just need to not cling to either, but enjoy every moment as it comes.
