Hows Life?

[Phatt Matt s]

Why?

And why do you lash out at people who love you? I do it but never understood it.

He was determined to make all the women in his life completely miserable to the point of wishing they were dead, including me, because he didn't see me as a child. He would make other people miserable in order to get to those women. He threatened to kidnap my friends. He actually DID snatch my (half) brother, who he did not even have a genetic claim to. Luckily, my brother doesn't remember any of it. I wanted more than anything to make it STOP. I thought about murdering him all the time. My plan was to give him all his chemo pills and hope that he OD'd, smother him with a pillow, or get the lighter fluid and a match and light him on fire in his sleep. If a body was left, I figured I would chop it up and feed it to the dog.

I did as a child, I don't now. I had no self-control at the time, I had to attack someone, and I felt like it was safe to attack them. Because I had these violent tendencies I was afraid that as an adult I would end up in prison for domestic violence or something, but through therapy, determination, and martial arts, I learned to control my anger and violent tendencies.

I'll take your word for it that it wasn't a contributing factor to your same sex attraction. But it sounds like a classic story of weak feminine identity caused by mother conflicts, peer rejection, and distrust of the opposite sex.

Classic causes of homosexuality in women.