When silence is screaming

[Aractus]

There is no doubt that I should stop BUT???I'm a kinder and gentler and more creative and affectionate person when I'm high. SOmetimes I use drugs (often) to make anger, agitation, and anxiety go away and to feel peaceful and tranquil. Thank you for your concern. Say a prayer for me Moses! Intercede!

IMHO you need to develop better ways to handle your anger, anxiety and agitation. It's one thing to say "I use drugs occasionally for the thrill", it's another to use it to cope with emotions. I know someone (ex-colleague f mine) who is biopolar and he put a cadet or a private (don't remember which) in a coma with a fractured skull and he didn't fully regain his eyesight for 6 months. He is the type of person I don't drink with - I like him he's a good guy, but knowing what I know I wouldn't go near him if he had been drinking or taking drugs.

Drugs are not an effective way to deal with those issues. Well those drugs aren't - antidepressants are, however you are already on antidepressants and correct me if I'm wrong you shouldn't be drinking while on them much less taking other drugs - and in fact if you need advice about that see your doctor.

You aren't a different person when you're high, you're the same person. So to say you're a "kinder and gentler and more creative and affectionate person when you're high" is simply saying that you recognize and value yourself and those characteristics of yourself more when you're high, but you're still the same person.