Onward Christian Sol... Rapists?

[Losty]

I absolutely have. Here's a piece of something I wrote about myself somewhere else.

I was 9 months pregnant with some semi serious complications. (My doctor kept telling me I really needed to get my stress levels down HA). By this time my husband was fearless in his abuse. He would openly abuse me in front of our children and our house guest and one very terrifying night after his friend dragged him off of me and convinced him to go for a drive, I was alone in my room. I was completely shattered. In those moments my world fell apart. I was a broken woman on my knees begging god to save me. Tell me what to do, give me piece, show me the way, save me please god wont you save me. What I got back was a resounding silence. Absolutely nothing. There was no one to hear my prayers but myself.

Now you're probably thinking I said joy, not sorrow. What you don't see is slowly reality sunk in and I realized that there was no god. And I was filled with an overpowering joy. I could leave. I could pack my things and my children and leave. Never to be raped or beaten by my husband again and no one to damn be to hell for not staying. I was free. That is real is real joy.

Not that you really deserved that piece of my life since you are a mindless troll but it really get on my nerves when people say that god brings peace and joy. It's not true.

I am very truly sorry and feel great sympathy for the pain in your life. You are a strong woman to be admired!. Would you, or could you consider when you prayed for a way out, it was God's Grace that gave you the overwhelming joy in the midst of your hell? And the strength to pull yourself out of misery? God bless you and your children.

I cannot count for you the number of nights I prayed these same types of prayers.
If god existed then he watched for 5 years and did nothing to save me. If he existed then he stood deaf to my desperate pleas as I was betrayed and brutalized by my own husband. If he existed then he supposedly approved a book that told me, as my husband had not committed adultery, it would be a sin against god for me to leave him. If god existed then it would have been his betrayal and abandonment that gave me the strength to finally save myself. There is nothing merciful or graceful or loving about watching people suffer whilst you have the means to save them.
But alas, there is no god. And that is the reason I can rest peacefully and fearlessly.