(June 23, 2014 at 10:30 pm)GalacticBusDriver Wrote:(June 23, 2014 at 9:59 pm)Beccs Wrote: We get Indian call centres here, pretending to be from Microsoft telling us our computers have viruses and getting pissed off with you when you tell them they're not from Microsoft, the computer doesn't have a virus, and that they're idiots.
Ohhhhhhhhhh! I LOVE these guys. They are so much fun to fuck with!
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Hello. We're calling because your computer is spreading viruses (never a virus, always viruses) onto the internet.
Me:
Really? I had no idea. I should take car of that. Are you sure it's mine?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Oh, definitely. We can see that your computer is spreading viruses.
Me:
So, are you selling something that will help?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Oh no. We're...
Me:
So how do you know it's my computer?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Well we have algorithms...
Me:
Algorithms to help you determine IP addresses?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Certainly.
So, you've verified that my IP address is sending out viruses?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Of course, if you'll let me...
Me:
So, what is my IP address?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Excuse me?
Me:
What is my IP address? If you've tracked a virus to my IP then you must know what it is.
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
We can't share that with you but...
Me:
No. Wait a moment. My IP address is publicly available. It's what allows my computer to communicate with the internet. So please, I'd like to verify that my machine is sending a virus.
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
We're really not suppos...
Me:
As I said, it's a publicly available number. If you can't tell me what it is than how can I tell if you're really tracking my computer or not.
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Ok, well..... Are you ready?
Me:
Yes
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
You're IP address is 192.168.1.500.
Me:
Really?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Very.
Me:
Ok. Now I know you're full of shit. For you to read a 192.168 number from my computer, you would have to have hacked my private network. 192.168 is reserved specifically for private networks. You didn't hack my network did you?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Oh, no sir. If you'll...
Me:
Another thing. An IP address uses a numbering system called a dotted quad, meaning four sets of numbers between 1 and 255, separated by periods. Do you see any problem with the number you just gave me?
Fake Microsoft Asshole:
Sir, if you'll let me...
Me:
No, I most certainly will not. You called me with a bullshit story backed up with a bullshit IP address and I've half a mind to call an attorney. Anything to say to that?
Hello....
Still there?
It's simple stuff and they can never give answers that are even half-way intelligent. The next time (and I'm sure there will be a next time), I'm going to have to string them along further up front to see what it is they really want.
An older member of my family keeps getting them and asks how certain they are that it's her PC.
They say 100% certain and then she replies, "But I don't have a PC or laptop"
Then they try to sell her one.
Idiots.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
