(July 14, 2014 at 11:00 pm)XK9_Knight Wrote: I think from what I'm gathering from all this is, "because it is valuable to me it is significant.” Would that be an accurate summation of what’s been said, or would that be an oversimplification?
In regard to Brian, never had a moment of joy, was never intimate, never had a happy time alone with him, never knew him in good health, and when the fact of his impending mortality seared me like nothing else ever had, I imploded to the extent I wasn't sure I'd ever come back from or ever want to.
I couldn't even describe my experience with Brian as 'love' for many years because what I did experience was so alien compared to what the rest of the planet seems to describe love as that I could not make the connection.
Despite being in 12 Steppers, I consented to 18 months of anti-depressants at the behest of my physician, he was concerned about my deterioration.
I read a criticism of a character (I believe in a Vonnegut novel) who was described as climbing up his own asshole and dying there. It's as good a description as any.
At no time was I suicidal, but for many months I was indifferent about living.
I'd suggest anyone with less than 10 years sobriety in a 12 Stepper program to avoid doing what I did.
